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  • rainmaker
    Sorry to be such a pain, but I still can't post comments on my own triage threat in 911, 
    I will just leave the rest of my triage here, would you post it in the triage section? Thank you. 

    *Question Five – Rule Out Outside Sexual Sources

    No outside sexual sources, past heavy porn usage, please see above

    As an aside before anyone asks, no I don't have erectile dysfunction as a result of my porn consumption. I have never had difficulty rising to the occasion with W. 

    Dat Ass!

    *Question Six – When Did the Sex Go Bad?

    If you ask W, right after I moved in with her. 

    Pregnancy saw a decline in sex, due to lack of money, me having to take a day job, W being generally moody, and my fear of rousing her moods.

    For most of our marriage, the sex has been lacking maybe 1x per week at its height, but mostly 2x per month, though overall quality of the 

    intimacy itself I feel is pretty earth shattering. I fixed my fear of initiation and rejection in July last year(also saw a rapid increase in our 

    revenue in the business), and over a 60 day timespan we had sex around 50 times (also took in 85k in revenue, I was unstoppable). Then it came to 

    a screeching halt around the middle of september 2014, too much alpha, too much of what she perceived as aggression.I was trying to round up the 

    details that had gone astray with budget, household, time, and our kid issues. It was time to put me in my little box. She started having panic 

    attacks. Ever since the initial incident in June 2014 I was prohibited from sleeping in her bed, but I could bang her pretty much all I wanted in 

    her bed???

    November and December saw an increase in sex, about 1x per week by the end of december. Me very frustrated, STFU and initiate became the 

    approach, with a few lapses into whining about how I wasn't getting the sex I Needed. 

    I was approaching often on reds, and she was on red alot in december and january, likely because of my growing confidence and alpha behavior. 

    Now this, no attraction whatsoever due to fear. I plan on issuing my 3 part apology in short order, and vetting out an aggression issues I might 

    be having. I am not sure I am, but I am willing to investigate. My counselor's opinion was that I did not have issues with aggression. 

    *Question Seven – What Was the Sex Like at the Start of the Relationship?

    So damn good. Porn was out of the picture when I first took up with W, I decided I didn't need it, didn't want it. It was still largely on her terms, and I was a complete lamb about it. I just let her cougar me up and figured that was all I needed to do. At her house, I would come over and sneak out after we were done so that the daughter didn't find us in the morning. Rarely came to my house for sex, but that had more to do with my weird room mate. Great guy, but just did not handle being sexiled very well. A total bachelor pad. I was embarrassed to take girls there most of the time. W always said she thought it was romantic how I would leave at 4 in the morning so that daughter didn't have to deal with the awkwardness. I have always wondered if that was the best way to play that. 

    *Question Eight – What’s the Elephant in the Room?

    Addressed at the start of my map thread. Porn and her overall domination of me from the beginning of our relationship.
    But I will add to it. MIL is bi-polar and has put W in role of emotional caregiver from a young age, like from the age of 5. We have discussed this alot. Daughter had a drug problem in high school that was largely left unchecked due to poor leadership on W's behalf, and now daughter lives at home after graduating and likely has a substance abuse problem still. No boundaries on this girl have been stated or enforced. 

    another elephant for me would be her lack of seeking support from any of her friends on this. She has her therapist, our marriage counselor, but no one else really in terms of close female friend support. She says she is too embarrassed to bring this up to her friends. 

    *Question Nine – Who is the leader in your marriage? Still not sure who this was in blue-pill version of our marriage, but it was likely her, I had brief stints where I Would try to organize the household, but largely this was met with resistance. I Would ask daughter to do chores, w would tell daughter she didn't have to do chores, she would do them, and then many times did not do them until 2 days later.

    *Question Ten – Tell Us About the Good Times

    Red pill has seen the best times of my married life, even in these moments when we are struggling with each other, I feel closer and am finding more comfort. We get compliments from friends constantly, they can't believe how healthy and vibrant we have both become, and they generally observe that we are better as a couple than we have ever been, and that's an area we already got rave reviews in during blue-pill marriage.

    Main question in all this: What do I need to do differently? And what do I need to expect her to do differently. 

    I know that you can't MAP medical, is this just that? I feel like my Mapping has produced a positive response, but I think I just got too aggressive with W on this approach. 

    Work your magic MMSL legions!

    February 15
    • BrianC
      I'll add that. Otherwise, I needed to update some permissions. All should be well now.
  • rainmaker
    I saw you merged the threads, sorry to be a noob, but how do I continue posting to my triage thread?
    February 14
    • BrianC
      Don't sweat it. Basically they are both the same thread now. Keep commenting on that one like you would have either previous thread.
  • rainmaker
    @BrianC, can you drop my triage questions into 911, I am starting on that, and intend to finish today.
    February 14
    • BrianC
      You've got it.
  • BrianC earned the 2500 Comments badge.
    Another day, another comment, another badge.
    July 2014
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    May 2014
  • KatherineKelly

    Hi Brian

    You may find this person interesting.



    February 2014
  • Version_Two
    Hi BrianC.  What does A&A mean?
    February 2014
  • BrianC changed his profile picture.
    February 2014
  • Sure, thing @Angeline. ; I didn't realize that one could post things here!

    Some days I'd rather be hunting Woolly Mammoth.

    Useful links from the Wild Man Project:

    Coaching also available at The Mindful Attraction Plan!
    February 2014
  • Angeline
    Could you copy your signature here in your wall? On mobile, sigs arent visible, and it would make it easier to copy them for newbies if they were here :D Thank you!
    February 2014
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    December 2013
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    You received 500 LOLs. It ain't no fluke, you post great stuff and we're lucky to have you here.
    December 2013
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    November 2013
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    October 2013
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    Thanks for sticking with us for a full year.
    July 2013
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    May 2013
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    You’re practically family.
    January 2013
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    November 2012
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    October 2012
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    Getting this far requires gumption, something you have in spades.
    September 2012