Sorry to be such a pain, but I still can't post comments on my own triage threat in 911,
I will just leave the rest of my triage here, would you post it in the triage section? Thank you.
*Question Five – Rule Out Outside Sexual Sources
No outside sexual sources, past heavy porn usage, please see above
As an aside before anyone asks, no I don't have erectile dysfunction as a result of my porn consumption. I have never had difficulty rising to the occasion with W.
*Question Six – When Did the Sex Go Bad?
If you ask W, right after I moved in with her.
Pregnancy saw a decline in sex, due to lack of money, me having to take a day job, W being generally moody, and my fear of rousing her moods.
For most of our marriage, the sex has been lacking maybe 1x per week at its height, but mostly 2x per month, though overall quality of the
intimacy itself I feel is pretty earth shattering. I fixed my fear of initiation and rejection in July last year(also saw a rapid increase in our
revenue in the business), and over a 60 day timespan we had sex around 50 times (also took in 85k in revenue, I was unstoppable). Then it came to
a screeching halt around the middle of september 2014, too much alpha, too much of what she perceived as aggression.I was trying to round up the
details that had gone astray with budget, household, time, and our kid issues. It was time to put me in my little box. She started having panic
attacks. Ever since the initial incident in June 2014 I was prohibited from sleeping in her bed, but I could bang her pretty much all I wanted in
November and December saw an increase in sex, about 1x per week by the end of december. Me very frustrated, STFU and initiate became the
approach, with a few lapses into whining about how I wasn't getting the sex I Needed.
I was approaching often on reds, and she was on red alot in december and january, likely because of my growing confidence and alpha behavior.
Now this, no attraction whatsoever due to fear. I plan on issuing my 3 part apology in short order, and vetting out an aggression issues I might
be having. I am not sure I am, but I am willing to investigate. My counselor's opinion was that I did not have issues with aggression.
*Question Seven – What Was the Sex Like at the Start of the Relationship?
So damn good. Porn was out of the picture when I first took up with W, I decided I didn't need it, didn't want it. It was still largely on her terms, and I was a complete lamb about it. I just let her cougar me up and figured that was all I needed to do. At her house, I would come over and sneak out after we were done so that the daughter didn't find us in the morning. Rarely came to my house for sex, but that had more to do with my weird room mate. Great guy, but just did not handle being sexiled very well. A total bachelor pad. I was embarrassed to take girls there most of the time. W always said she thought it was romantic how I would leave at 4 in the morning so that daughter didn't have to deal with the awkwardness. I have always wondered if that was the best way to play that.
*Question Eight – What’s the Elephant in the Room?
Addressed at the start of my map thread. Porn and her overall domination of me from the beginning of our relationship.
But I will add to it. MIL is bi-polar and has put W in role of emotional caregiver from a young age, like from the age of 5. We have discussed this alot. Daughter had a drug problem in high school that was largely left unchecked due to poor leadership on W's behalf, and now daughter lives at home after graduating and likely has a substance abuse problem still. No boundaries on this girl have been stated or enforced.
another elephant for me would be her lack of seeking support from any of her friends on this. She has her therapist, our marriage counselor, but no one else really in terms of close female friend support. She says she is too embarrassed to bring this up to her friends.
*Question Nine – Who is the leader in your marriage? Still not sure who this was in blue-pill version of our marriage, but it was likely her, I had brief stints where I Would try to organize the household, but largely this was met with resistance. I Would ask daughter to do chores, w would tell daughter she didn't have to do chores, she would do them, and then many times did not do them until 2 days later.
*Question Ten – Tell Us About the Good Times
Red pill has seen the best times of my married life, even in these moments when we are struggling with each other, I feel closer and am finding more comfort. We get compliments from friends constantly, they can't believe how healthy and vibrant we have both become, and they generally observe that we are better as a couple than we have ever been, and that's an area we already got rave reviews in during blue-pill marriage.
Main question in all this: What do I need to do differently? And what do I need to expect her to do differently.
I know that you can't MAP medical, is this just that? I feel like my Mapping has produced a positive response, but I think I just got too aggressive with W on this approach.
Work your magic MMSL legions!