Not a Date Night

JesusMarimbaJesusMarimba Posts: 1,241Silver Member
"So, you're going out on a Date Night?"

"No, my wife is taking me out for my birthday."

"That's a Date Night!"

"No. No it's not. She's taking me out for my birthday."

"That's a Dat.."

"No. No it's not. There are babysitters coming over and our house will be full. So we can't have sex before we go."

"Wha?"

"A Date Night to me is where I have sex before I go to the dinner and a movie. A Date Night to you is where you take the girl to a dinner and a movie and then hope to have sex later. If you're married, you usually don't have sex. Exaaaaactly. I caught that look. How many times has that happened to you?"

"Errrmm..."

"What you call a Date Night I call a Chump Night. I'm not a chump. I don't go on Chump Nights. I'm going because my wife invited me to dinner and a movie for my birthday. No sexual expectations whatever."

Oh, Ender's Game, while a great movie, may still disappoint you if you read the book. (As per usual) There is just too much information in the book to convey in two hours. I still think it's very well done.
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Comments

  • DaveBowmanDaveBowman Posts: 5,823Member
    I agree with the sentiment, but not sure that date night is "dinner and a movie"

    Our date nights got orders of magnitude better when we agreed on a moratorium on dinner and a movie nights.

    [Deleted User]
  • Im_a_ManIm_a_Man CanadaPosts: 861Silver Member
    I agree with the sentiment, but not sure that date night is "dinner and a movie"

    Our date nights got orders of magnitude better when we agreed on a moratorium on dinner and a movie nights.
    So what do you do for a "date night?"
  • Frank_LondonFrank_London in transitPosts: 1,391Silver Member
    edited November 2013
    I don't agree. It's called 'date night' because it's like you two are just dating again. When you were single, how many dates with women did you go on where you fucked her before you took her to dinner? Not many, I'll wager.

    Date night is about re-living the courtship rituals so as to reestablish the sexual connection between you.
    A guy isn't a chump for getting laid at the end of date night; that's the whole point.

    If you're having great sex before you go on the date, then you don't need it, and anyway that's not a "date". It's just "going to see a movie together and grabbing a bite on the way."
    DaveBowman
  • Frank_LondonFrank_London in transitPosts: 1,391Silver Member
    > So what is it when you fuck in the car on the way to have dinner and then maybe hit a bar for drinks? Is that date night or no?

    Well, the two of you have already got dressed up and left the house on a date together; so I guess!

    But the original post described getting laid at the end of 'date night' as "Chump Night." Are guys who get laid after taking their woman out on a night out really chumps? Not in my view. The fact of getting laid kind of negates the 'chump' descriptor.
  • AchillesAchilles Posts: 73Silver Member
    A date night for us is getting a babysitter and going out to do whatever I have planned. Then we come home and have sex.

    The difference from chump night is (as with every other night we have together) a default yes for sex. It's expected. It's known from breakfast all the way to the end of the evening that the captain is going to have his way with the first officer. She's game, I'm game, we both have a blast. Hell, I might be playing with the remote control to her special panties all through the date if I'm in the mood.

    So no sex doesn't have to come first, but it is a given.
    [Deleted User]redheaded_womanPaleoDadJohn3
  • LazyAlphaLazyAlpha Posts: 522Silver Member

    My definition of a "date" is that there is a significant probability of sex at the end.  Without that element, its just friends (or family) hanging out together.

    Chump Night comes when the rituals of a date mislead the guy into thinking he is actually going on a date (setting his expectation for some attainable probability of sex), but in reality, little did he know, he had zero chance from the get go.

    Not sure this sinks in to women, but a guy who is putting forth his best effort to close the sex deal on a "date" is going to be a lot more fun to be around.  The chance of sex happening is an essential element of the spark and excitement of "date" night.  You can't have that spark without establishing a track record of putting out with some dependability.  Sorry. 

    Most single guys are not going to go much past the third "date" strike-out, before they give up and move on. The problem is that for a married couple, you can't just move on to a new partner when the frequency goes below 1 in 3 or 1 in 10, or whatever your minimum acceptable batting average is to make it worth the effort. 

    All a married guy can do in that situation (besides getting all covert contract pissy)  is stop going out on "dates", and instead be content to enjoy some friendly platonic time together.  It might even be best to avoid going out alone just the two of you, but instead do things in larger groups of friends (and family). 

    Women, that means all the benefits of a "date" are not going to happen.  He is not going to bend over backwards to plan, get dressed up, find a babysitter, clean his car, pay attention to everything you say like he cares, make you feel special, or want to go to any chick flicks.  Anticipate a lot more sporting events, burger joints, car shows, trips to Home Depot, and action films in your future.

     

     

    PaleoDadAchillesPhoenixDownJesusMarimba
  • EightbitEightbit DruidiaPosts: 2,095Gold Men
    LazyAlpha said:

    My definition of a "date" is that there is a significant probability of sex at the end.  Without that element, its just friends (or family) hanging out together.

    Chump Night comes when the rituals of a date mislead the guy into thinking he is actually going on a date (setting his expectation for some attainable probability of sex), but in reality, little did he know, he had zero chance from the get go.

    Not sure this sinks in to women, but a guy who is putting forth his best effort to close the sex deal on a "date" is going to be a lot more fun to be around.  The chance of sex happening is an essential element of the spark and excitement of "date" night.  You can't have that spark without establishing a track record of putting out with some dependability.  Sorry. 

    Most single guys are not going to go much past the third "date" strike-out, before they give up and move on. The problem is that for a married couple, you can't just move on to a new partner when the frequency goes below 1 in 3 or 1 in 10, or whatever your minimum acceptable batting average is to make it worth the effort. 

    All a married guy can do in that situation (besides getting all covert contract pissy)  is stop going out on "dates", and instead be content to enjoy some friendly platonic time together.  It might even be best to avoid going out alone just the two of you, but instead do things in larger groups of friends (and family). 

    Women, that means all the benefits of a "date" are not going to happen.  He is not going to bend over backwards to plan, get dressed up, find a babysitter, clean his car, pay attention to everything you say like he cares, make you feel special, or want to go to any chick flicks.  Anticipate a lot more sporting events, burger joints, car shows, trips to Home Depot, and action films in your future.

     

    If you're only paying attention to your wife, pretending to be interested in what she says, etc to get her to fuck you, then you're doing it wrong. Do you love the woman you married or not?



    Insert witty, insightful signature here.
    [Deleted User]MaterStelliegrowingafamilyRedford
  • PirouettePirouette Somewhere, USAPosts: 1,254Gold Women
    Date night for us is Adult Night. No kids. Could just be the two of us or with friends. Sometimes there's sex on the way to the date, sometimes tthere's sex when we get home and sometimes there's neither. Sex isn't the priority anymore, connecting is.
    redheaded_womanEightbitgrowingafamilyJohn3
  • PhoenixDownPhoenixDown TejasPosts: 10,380Gold Women
    edited November 2013
    ANewHope said:
    Keep in mind, all you FOs are horny and looking for action. Many of the captains here aren't married to you. If we were all married to simplegirl or Roxy or RPW - this would just be a kink site or wouldn't exist. Most people I know, don't have relationships where the FO is DTF, like, ever. And those are some angry dudes. I don't think JM was saying you are a chump to get laid at the end of the night. I think he was saying you are a chump for doing all those things in hopes of getting laid. Covert contract. I can say, I've never, in my life, gone on a date night or vacation in hopes of getting laid. But clearly, my expectations were very low.
    LOL @anewhope, you forget how LD I am right now. I'd share numbers, but they're embarrassing. I'm not the typical HD FO that comes here for help, I'm the LD spouse that tagged along because my husband couldn't keep a secret. :P

    Covert contract is a covert contract, you're right.

    Eightbit
  • EightbitEightbit DruidiaPosts: 2,095Gold Men
    ANewHope said:

    Keep in mind, all you FOs are horny and looking for action. Many of the captains here aren't married to you.

    If we were all married to simplegirl or Roxy or RPW - this would just be a kink site or wouldn't exist. Most people I know, don't have relationships where the FO is DTF, like, ever. And those are some angry dudes.

    I don't think JM was saying you are a chump to get laid at the end of the night. I think he was saying you are a chump for doing all those things in hopes of getting laid. Covert contract.

    I can say, I've never, in my life, gone on a date night or vacation in hopes of getting laid. But clearly, my expectations were very low.

    I've been in both positions so I know what once every six weeks pity sex is like. I did go on the chump date back then, but most of the time the wife stepped to the plate for some enjoyable sex, even though she wasn't attracted to me.

    My point? You don't have to be married to one of those people you listed above to have great sex. You've got to run your MAP full force and either get your wife on board or find someone else who will.
    Insert witty, insightful signature here.
    [Deleted User]AchillesPaleoDadPirouette
  • Monkeys_UncleMonkeys_Uncle RuralPosts: 4,234Category Moderator*
    edited November 2013
    We do a lot of dinner and movie date nights, but also try to keep enough other stuff (live music, festivals, museum exhibits, etc...) worked in to keep dinner and movie from becoming rote. We both enjoy people watching, so some of our best dates can involve having dinner and drinks on an outdoor patio in an entertainment district where lots of people will be waking by for us to observe and comment on.

    There is a recently renovated downtown district about an hour away that has become the trendy place to go, but we had three shitty dates in a row there and have decided the place is cursed.

    As far as date night sex goes, it happens more often than not, and some of the best sex we've ever had has been on a date night.... but date night sex isn't assumed, and sometimes it doesn't happen, and that's no big deal.

    "My advice to you is get married:  if you find a good wife you'll be happy, if not, you'll become a philosopher." -Socrates

    redheaded_womanDaveBowman
  • DaveBowmanDaveBowman Posts: 5,823Member
    edited November 2013
    Some ideas in the hopper (some are season specific):

    - out to a pub I know of in the woods and then to the local observatory
    - local indie theatre
    - shooting range
    - rock climbing
    - whitewater rafting
    - dance lessons
    - hiking
    - art gallery opening
    - "sex" show (toys, clothes, etc)
    - tattoo festival

    Monkeys_UncleMaterStellieMasterOfTheUniverse[Deleted User]
  • DaveBowmanDaveBowman Posts: 5,823Member
    @DaveBowman

    I love the cultural differences.

    Here a pub in the woods = toothless people doing a lot of meth.
    I grew up in small town rural western canada.

    I know what you speak of. My first bar experience had the nickname of "the old hole."

    But we live in the big city now. On the outskirts are some log cabin style rustic places that are pretty upscale.

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