Wife goggles -- in reverse?

BetaGeekBetaGeek Bringing the good betaPosts: 1,367Silver Member
My wife has lost about 25 pounds, has spent thousands improving her clothes, started wearing better makeup about two years ago, she has incredible muscle tone and still has the intelligence, toughness, and ethics that I married her for.

I am just now starting to realize that society in general is finding her HOT. I missed the memo. I am still seeing her as awkward, grumpily dressed, pudgy, and plain. These damn wife goggles are telling me, well you're attracted to her of course -- she sleeps with you. But that's apparently stupid.

I thought I was +2 SR on her. I think looks wise we are even in appearance SR. I better up my mate guarding, AMOG behaviors when with her work peers, and possibly add a little dread -- not hard to do when you work at a college.

I am just so surprised that I missed the transformation. I saw her getting more awesome, but I missed the guys at the gym checking out her ass, my friends drooling at her, and the general glances we get in public.

Anybody else have this happen to them regarding their spouse?
It's good beta.
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Comments

  • redheaded_womanredheaded_woman USAPosts: 3,622Silver Member
    I went through that 2.5 years ago and we were out late afternoon for a fancy event downtown and a work truck passed us and a guy leaned out the window and whistled at me. While I was holding hands with my H.

    At some point a couple of weeks later I used that example explaining that it made me nuts other guys noticed me but he doesn't. ~readjust your wife goggles~


    His response to me was also telling: "You look great, but I'm still a pasty white, middle age, balding guy".

    Whoa! What?! Didn't see that coming! I didn't realize what me hitting the gym did to his body image.

    So, for all you Captains out there reclaiming your awesomeness....don't leave your FO wondering if you still think she's the best thing since sliced bread.
  • Noble1Noble1 CanadaPosts: 69Member
    I went through that 2.5 years ago and we were out late afternoon for a fancy event downtown and a work truck passed us and a guy leaned out the window and whistled at me. While I was holding hands with my H. At some point a couple of weeks later I used that example explaining that it made me nuts other guys noticed me but he doesn't. ~readjust your wife goggles~ His response to me was also telling: "You look great, but I'm still a pasty white, middle age, balding guy". Whoa! What?! Didn't see that coming! I didn't realize what me hitting the gym did to his body image. So, for all you Captains out there reclaiming your awesomeness....don't leave your FO wondering if you still think she's the best thing since sliced bread.


    Just wanted to comment on part of your post.  I've been MAPing for about a year now and have made significant inroads on the physical side of things.  My wife, friends and family all comment.

    I still tell my wife she is beautiful (and I mean it) but she is not/won't get motivated to up her girl game at all.

    Granted, I have lots of medical to hop over but still...she says she is planning on doing something and she know she does just for health reasons...but there is never any action.

    Not sure what else I can do to motivate or lead her in this.  I've planned walks, yoga nights, bike rides, buying healthy foods but she is too tired to go do stuff and she will send the older kids out for 'junk food'.

    Guess I need to cover all the medical first and see what else there is.

     

     

    The secret to happiness is being able to answer.....

     

    ...if I wanted to, I could.

    BetaGeek
  • BetaGeekBetaGeek Bringing the good betaPosts: 1,367Silver Member
    _io said:

    Isn't this the thing that guys continually lament?  "I'm getting fit, getting muscles, dressing great, and women are giving me IOI's all the time.  What's wrong with my wife?"  I think you have just field tested the hypothesis posited here on the forum; there is a 3-6 month lag between becoming awesome and your spouse becoming aware of it.  Although it sounds like you had a really long lag time.

    It has been incremental for both of us. I will say that about July is when she probably hit her current SR level, but it was climbing before. I would say she was an age-adjusted 6.5 or 7, but has pushed it right up to around 8.5 now.

    If she could count the non-appearance factors as a guy, she'd be a 10, but most guys aren't attracted to several of those aspects, so she's probably an 8.5 for guys out age, but once they find out more, it would for most, adjust downward.

    I am looking forward to taking her on a warm beach vacation again so she can rock a swimsuit finally. I think the first two years we dated were probably the last that she'd look as good. That was 20 years ago.
    It's good beta.
  • neenneen Posts: 3,390Member
    BG-How did you move your wife into girl game? Many men on the forum are struggling with this issue.
    nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart
  • BetaGeekBetaGeek Bringing the good betaPosts: 1,367Silver Member
    neen said:

    BG-How did you move your wife into girl game? Many men on the forum are struggling with this issue.

    I lead. I started eating better, so did she. I started biking, she wanted to come along. I joined a gym, so did she.

    Although: she started dressing better, so did I. Being a 36" waist instead of a 42" makes a huge difference in what clothing options are available.
    It's good beta.
    PhoenixDownneenAlphaBelleliquid
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