TED talk on The secret to desire in a long-term relationship

Version3Version3 Posts: 1,789Silver Member
http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship.html

I found this pretty worthwhile. Not completely Red Pill but she's onto a couple of things. In particular, I loved her statement at the end about sex/desire not being spontaneous but "premeditated" and that foreplay essentially begins "...after the last orgasm."

I also liked her line about "People are turned on by what they protest against during the day."

"The pain of discipline is a tiny thing compared to the pain of regret."
 
It's an obstacle. Get over it.

MILF_in_trainingMAPer1

Comments

  • BetaGeekBetaGeek Bringing the good betaPosts: 1,313Silver Member
    I watched this earlier today as well. You beat me to posting! She certainly is in the ballpark.
    It's good beta.
  • GeoffGeoff Posts: 108Member

    Interesting. She summarizes many of the same alpha/beta traits we discuss here.

     

  • MILF_in_trainingMILF_in_training New HamsterPosts: 3,476Gold Women
    Athol needs to present a TED talk!
    ----------
    I'm in phase 7b

    "... Never too rushed to enjoy life no matter what. Sometimes just pat-ass and squeeze-titty as I hurried through the kitchen, with her quick smile acknowledging it..." Robert Heinlein

    Monkeys_UncleGeoffJellyBeanshibari
  • spankyspanky Flying around Posts: 2,226Silver Member
    edited February 2013
    I love me the TED, some amazing stuff on there.  There is one with Tony Robbins that I've watched a few times when I've needed some sort of motivation when I've been in a funk to help get myself off my ass and get out of my own way and keep moving forward.

    edit:  http://www.ted.com/talks/tony_robbins_asks_why_we_do_what_we_do.html
  • SugarAndSpiceSugarAndSpice Philadelphia, PAPosts: 757Member
    Hey, I just started reading her book, Mating in Captivity. I will check out the TED talk because I am quite enjoying the book thus far, some very interesting concepts. Thanks for sharing this.

    MILF_in_training
  • roeroe Posts: 445Silver Member
    In her allegory of the child sitting in your lap:

    The third child (the one who doesn't come back) becomes the bull alpha - who has no problem stimulating desire, but has trouble generating comfort in a relationship.

    The second child (the one who goes put looks over their shoulder) is the alpha/beta mixed strategy.

    The first child (the one who gives up a piece of themselves to be with the other) is the pure beta who has trouble generating desire.

    ...or so it seemed to me.

    "The good news is you don’t have to become a romance novel hero, you just have to become her hero...  A woman doesn’t have to be perfect to arouse her husband, she just has to be his Playmate."   -Dalrock

    Version3BoneDaddyJive
  • Version3Version3 Posts: 1,789Silver Member

    Right, much of her talk is about the give and take between, for example, novelty (alpha) and security (beta) without saying it in those terms. She's acknowledging the dynamic.

    What I'm less convinced about is that she really gives a cogent strategy for dealing with it, unlike MMSL.


    "The pain of discipline is a tiny thing compared to the pain of regret."
     
    It's an obstacle. Get over it.

    cdubSmashmasterMrBurgundy
  • here2playhere2play Posts: 716Member
    Version3 said:

    I also liked her line about "People are turned on by what they protest against during the day."

    That is one one of the best lines ever.   I think there is so much truth to it too.
    MILF_in_training[Deleted User]
  • here2playhere2play Posts: 716Member
     

    roe said:
    In her allegory of the child sitting in your lap:

    The third child (the one who doesn't come back) becomes the bull alpha - who has no problem stimulating desire, but has trouble generating comfort in a relationship.

    The second child (the one who goes put looks over their shoulder) is the alpha/beta mixed strategy.

    The first child (the one who gives up a piece of themselves to be with the other) is the pure beta who has trouble generating desire.

    ...or so it seemed to me.

    It was a great analogy and it applies to so many things in life not just sex or attraction or male/female relationships.  

    There are so many people that can't leave their little circle of peers/family etc and never venture out on their own or do anything without the blessings and support of the group.    And there are other's that are completely independent and self-satisfying that don't give a crap if people join them on their journey or not. 

    And other's that aren't afraid to venture out on their own if they need to but still strive to maintain connection. 

    It was a good analogy to lots of things.  I think the application of that principle to things we discuss here is independence and self-suffiency is an attractive and desireable trait but taken too far and the relationship will be strained or even severed. 

  • BoneDaddyJiveBoneDaddyJive Chronically TurgidPosts: 1,009Silver Member
    I watched this and got to thinking that this might be a good link to share with spouses who aren't ready for MMSL. I shared it with mrs jive, but don't think she's seen it yet. The fact that is is given by a sexy smart middle aged French woman is sauce for the goose.

    I think many of us would like our spouses to get on board with what we are trying to do without risking the comfort of complete anonymity on the forum.

    Don't want to step on your toes, @Athol_kay, but is this a good idea? Also, do you know of some other resources that we could share that may be purple pill sites to start the conversation? Most red pill sites are PUA oriented, so NOT a good alternative.

    All humans. This business of love. You have devoted much literature to it. Why do you build such a mystique around a simple biological function?
    - KELINDA Star Trek TOS, "By any other name"
    Version3[Deleted User]
  • RobRob Up NorthPosts: 147Silver Member
    Athol needs to present a TED talk!
    I just want to see the audience reaction to "Then, to really make her happy, jizz all over her."
    MrBurgundytechnovelistshibari
  • MrBurgundyMrBurgundy UKPosts: 225Member
    edited February 2013
    Just seen the talk. There were a few blue pill comments below it; the speaker already said desire isn't politically correct, I suspect there were a few feminists in the commenters who were uneasy about the implications of what she said. One female commenter was smart enough to admit she might react differently (ie, less favourably) to the exact same talk if it had been delivered by a man. Interesting.

    A male commentator said that a man won't think about any of this stuff at all if he's getting regular sex and blow jobs - which reflects Athol's most recent blog entry about FOs getting their man to listen to their desires. If he's getting sex, to him there really isn't a problem.

    I found the talk to be 100% consistent with MMSL, albeit with different terminology. (Although, like @Version3, i thought that a lot of people who heard the talk would go away thinking, "yes, but what can I *do* about it?")

    Version3
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