Wife Ignoring Me

HyperPiperHyperPiper seattlePosts: 1,643Member
cheers all, New here & with problems. Wife is ignoring me. And I mean to a point where I asked if she's ignoring me and she just passed by. It's 23:30, she's been watching TV since 20:00, now she starts doing house chores. I asked for some us time & I got "can't I just veg, shut the brain off?" Afterwhich I went & took a shower, her show ended & she went to clean up. I asked if she's coming to bed, she said "I don't know" anything? anyone? help!!
Should my post make little sense, I am ADHD, please ask for clarification.
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  • Athol_KayAthol_Kay My Underground LairPosts: 6,018The Captain
    (6)  If you are posting in the 911 ER Category, please read this post and also answer those questions along with your posting http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/discussion/368/read-first-for-best-help-from-the-forum#latest

      

    The Mindful Attraction Plan Book      One Hour Call   12-Week Guided MAP

    "The turnaround is tremendous.  And I'm lifting weights, eating better, and tackling projects.  I have all this great energy without a vampire sucking my life force.  :)  He's a lot stronger standing on his own two feet, as well."  - Scarlet

    "I had some light bulb revelations in my phone call with Athol this week which seem to have both made FT feel less crazy and helped me not dread good sex. So yeah, three weeks of coaching has taken me further than 9 months of flailing around on the boards."  - AlphaBelle

  • moabboundmoabbound MAP'ing Posts: 413Member
    Answer the questions @upseattle69. I'm in no place to help you right now but you answer the questions and someone can drop some knowledge on ya.
    _______________________________
    Must not sleep... Must warn others...
  • HyperPiperHyperPiper seattlePosts: 1,643Member
    Yes, indeed, I definitely needed advice such is the one From Steu.
    Unfortunately, I was brought up in Europe with the mannerisms of a "Gentlemen ".
    Bad bad society, when in America and 40+ years old and still cannot get over how much women prefer to get abused a little bit, ignored, kicked to the curb just a smidge.
    After reading MM SL, it totally makes sense scientific and psychologica, Which in turn is quasi-scientific, well downright proven by MRIs and such.
    Yes, I need help from chasing. I consider myself to be alpha, although when he comes to women I tend to chase way too much.
    Should my post make little sense, I am ADHD, please ask for clarification.
  • RedPillNewbRedPillNewb Posts: 5,788Member
    steu2817 said:
     What would Barrack Obama do if Michelle was ignoring him. You think he's follow her around the white house asking her "what's wrong" over and over?

     


    Yes, I think that's exactly what he'd do.

    That said, it's be a bad strategy for him, too.  Probably the single biggest thing I changed--which greatly improved my relationship with my wife--was to stop caring when she was upset.  I still forget sometimes, and I have to check myself carefully to make sure that she doesn't have a good reason for being upset.  But if she wants to go silent, she can go silent.  If she wants to yell at the kids, she gets sent to her room.  If she wants to be abusive towards me, I'll just leave.

    What a difference that makes.

    Templarshanna_bananaAngeline
  • moabboundmoabbound MAP'ing Posts: 413Member
    _______________________________
    Must not sleep... Must warn others...
    446Angeline
  • pocketacespocketaces Posts: 916Member
    Heh id leave BO out of this. Too politically charged.

    You have no idea the restraint that took to not put on my flame suit and go trolling. >:)
    Templarshanna_bananaAngeline
  • HyperPiperHyperPiper seattlePosts: 1,643Member

    I would say the sex started going bad Ayear after my little girl was born, she is going be five years old, so four years ago.
    I don't know if was hormonal or maybe the fact that she started hanging out with some of her "girlfriends".
    Doing "girl night outs" and all that shit fancied up and sexy without the husband who was home like a puss taking care the kids. can I be any more pitiful?
    We had fights, we had arguments, it was always related to sex and there was a compromise reached instead of 4 to 5 times a week the compromise was 3 times a week.
    I have gotten carpal tunnel on both hands since then, but I have coped with it.
    Lately it has gotten to one – three times a week.
    Kissing in the morning afternoon or night are fairly "I've kissed your ready".
    For the past two weeks to a month I've been following Athol's advice, and Of course the rest of you the forum.

    Before we married the sex was crazy maybe the BJ's weren't there all the time but she would never push me away.
    After we had our son seven years agoit slow down a bit, but nothing to complain about.
    It was only after my daughter was born and not even that, that night after she had hung out with her girlfriends and came home and I wanted some she just push me away, four years ago.
    Here we are, it's been good, it's been bad, it's never been as I wanted to be.
    Lately has been terrible.
    I'm trying to run the map, although it is kind of hard. I own my own business which keeps me going until I get home, afterwards put the kids to bed after which not much time left.
    A lot of nights my wife leaves to go to the mall, grocery shopping, pick up something from Walgreens, get gas, when we're finally alone she gets on the computer or she starts reading. Not a lot of time devoted to each other.
    I should also mention my wife loves me with my business as well as has her own business, a preschool.
    We also own two homes across from each other, one of them now is the preschool.
    Well that's about the skinny of it

    Should my post make little sense, I am ADHD, please ask for clarification.
  • Changed_ManChanged_Man Posts: 1,606Member
    Yup, unfortunately folks on this forum have become well too familiar with these signs.

    My heart pours out to you @upseattle69. You're thinking that you bust your ass to be a good husband, father, provider,etc and there should be some reciprocity or reward for your efforts. Welcome to the red pill, friend. It may not seem like it now, but you're at a crossroad. If you choose to take the red-pill, you will (eventually) become a healthier, happier, self aware, and whole person... regardless of the woman you're with.

    Rollo had an excellent article on the myth of Relational Equity. Good read...

    http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/05/21/relational-equity/

    When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of. You might bend til you break, cause it's all you can take. On your knees you look up, decide you've had enough. You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off... And you stand!

    "Stand" by Rascal Flatts


  • HyperPiperHyperPiper seattlePosts: 1,643Member
    Maybe I may have exaggerated, as far as the "girl night outs"
    Once every 2 weeks. There were times when I'd call & she wouldn't answer.
    As far as lately, it's been: leaving to vacuum car for ski & get oranges for 45 mins, different day to pick up conditioner for 20 mins at local Walgreen, mall shopping for son's bday (2hrs), etc. Anyway, short trips some, others not so much. 
    She's been really good about no GNO - (girl night out), by the by am I the only one having a problem with that? maybe she had 3 the whole year, one time we had discussed for her to return by 1030, when I called she didn't answer. I got my neighbor to sit the kids, got in the car & went to the local place I thought I'd find them. They were at the bar by themselves, I called to see if she'd answer & she looked at it, but hang it up.
    When they existed I confronted her, told her to stop being a high school girl & be respectful to us , the kids & our marriage. When we got home I got a BJ & the back door.
    After a few days she called me an asshole for what i'd done.
    I got no problem girls meeting at lunch maybe early dinner, but bar hopping ?!

    She was a real bitch this morning, when I got to the kitchen, I didn't apologize although acted sweet, still semi-bitch, I just ate without conversation.
    By the time I left she kissed me goodbye. Now she's taken care of me, fore my body may be fighting some shoulder inflammation. 

    Any take, should I man up or just get pampered?
    I have no idea how to be any more!!
     
    Should my post make little sense, I am ADHD, please ask for clarification.
    Angeline
  • HyperPiperHyperPiper seattlePosts: 1,643Member
    Hey Athol,
    I've missed this part of the questions.

    Medical - fairly good shape, every once in a while I have to repair a body part.
    I'm a contractor, 42, working with my body all the time. The one at the moment - shoulder may need some joint work. If I ever get sick I shrug it off. One of my guys accident stabbed me in the forehead with a rebar, I continued the pour with a fist full of salt against the hole. when I got home I took a needle & thread & sutured myself.  Got a torn ACL, who does't
    I'd say I'm good.

    Structural  - I'm fairly well build 5'10" , 170lbs, can not work out too often with my arms on account of my tendinitis, but I get on the machine. I used to a shit of a lot of abs & back but lately I've lazied up. I still have a 6ish pack. I'd say a problem may be my face & hair. I know she looks at me fantasizing about when I was 30, & the kids wow, do they ever bring on the grey. I would consider myself a fairly good looking guy, maybe a 6-7. I used to model back in the day, I definitely do not resemble that bad ass punk. He left the building when the kids came. 

    Critical Moments and Neglect
    Yeah, within the 1st year, she moved in with me, quit her job, helped out with my work.
    I ended up jumping off a cliff and breaking my ankle. I decided to put an addition on my house, since I couldn't go to a clients home broken.
    during the time of rehab, most women would have been impressed, Tarzan hanging from rafters, etc, etc, bam, bam, nail nail.
    During this period she started being a real bitch, & I mean all the time. Maybe the proximity, lack of friends in the hood, etc.
    I received an email from some chick 3000 ml away. she was cute, she complimented me, etc etc. one IM lead to another and etc until she sent over some pix plaid skirt & pigtail. 
    Well, guess what??
    I wasn't home, I had left my AOL open which prompted the IM response. My wife received the pic. 
    She responded acting as me, oh my god did she ever leave a thread only the most imaginative could have conjured. 
    When I got home, she had shut down, after going to the computer I shitfaced. 
    I explained it was nothing, I was sorry, it meant nothing, but she drove me to it.
    She took no responsibility.
    After patching things up, we moved to a different home. while still in escrow she decided to go to Europe for 10 days.
    The 1st pic I received from her from there she wore pig tails & toga, need I add it was a young kids party excursions bus she'd join.
    A party where ever they stopped, not sure if sex went with it, but "What Happens In Europe, Stays in Europe".
    BTW she'd never wore that outfit for me.
    By the time she got back I had been working out everyday, lost 30lbs, her friends were touching my ass just to feel the ripples.
    I'd love to get back to that. 
    I too went to Europe for about 3 weeks later on. I guess the same standards go for me as well.
       


    Should my post make little sense, I am ADHD, please ask for clarification.
  • Thought_SoThought_So Posts: 112Member
    Is it just me, or does this seem like a massive TROLL?
    Notelrac[Deleted User]MAPer1
  • NotelracNotelrac Posts: 3,552Member
    edited January 2013
    When we got home I got a BJ & the back door.
    After a few days she called me an asshole for what i'd done.
    And this is why you ignore what they say, and only pay attention to what they do.


    She took no responsibility.
    You aren't going to be able to maintain an adult relationship with someone who acts this immaturely.  Best you can do is to forget about having another person helping you raise the kids, and instead discipline her just like the other children.

     

    Loki
  • HyperPiperHyperPiper seattlePosts: 1,643Member
    As far as  raising the kids, she does a wonderful job. The get togethers with GNO was to have some type of social life outside of the kids & me.
    I totally agree, at the time I tried to get her to realize what she's doing, she apologized & got into my pants.
    I take any opportunity to have sex, the next day the offer may not be there.  
    Any advice on her next GNO?
    What's with "massive TROLL"
    Should my post make little sense, I am ADHD, please ask for clarification.
  • HyperPiperHyperPiper seattlePosts: 1,643Member
    Hey Templar thanks for the answer. My feelings exactly.
    She's about to have another outing tomorrow, supposedly at 1800, dinnerish.
    How do I go about telling her to knock that shit off.
    Every time I've bitched, she comes back with "I need my time with my friends, we spend every day together"

    The other thing is, she always asks me to go out with my guy friends, or make friends. I don't have time to do either. 
    I go to my coffee shop everyday, that she bitches about.
    Should my post make little sense, I am ADHD, please ask for clarification.
  • Changed_ManChanged_Man Posts: 1,606Member
    Hey Templar thanks for the answer. My feelings exactly.
    She's about to have another outing tomorrow, supposedly at 1800, dinnerish.
    How do I go about telling her to knock that shit off.
    Every time I've bitched, she comes back with "I need my time with my friends, we spend every day together"

    The other thing is, she always asks me to go out with my guy friends, or make friends. I don't have time to do either. 
    I go to my coffee shop everyday, that she bitches about.
    Well, she is right about one thing. It's very important for you to have guy friends and to spend time with them. This can not be understated.

    Unfortunately, I question her motives...

    When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of. You might bend til you break, cause it's all you can take. On your knees you look up, decide you've had enough. You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off... And you stand!

    "Stand" by Rascal Flatts


    Loki
  • TemplarTemplar Posts: 2,811Member
    edited February 2013
    Maintain the frame. The key is being firm, without being whiny. Don't repeat yourself. The ladies are welcome to come to your house or perfectly acceptable to go to one of theirs. They could all go to a Zumba class together, take a cooking class, etc. The bar thing is what needs to be avoided. Most guys on the prowl will see a booth full of middle-aged women dolled up and figure at least one of them is looking for some action - whether they are or not. Why willingly let her enter into the temptation? If the women had absolutely no interest in the guys, why do they get totally dolled up? They will tell you cause they enjoy getting dressed up on occasion. And why do they enjoy it? Because of the attention that they get - whether they will admit it or not.

    On the other hand, since you do spend "every day together", how many times a week does she get all dolled up for you? How often do you go out? Your (the two of you) need to have real time together (not just in each other's presence) far more often than she has with the girls. YOUR relationship is supposed to be till death do you part. With the girls, it's friendship until she calls me a bitch or tells me I'm fat or whatever. Friends come and go - spouses aren't supposed to.

    As for guy friends - absolutely need some. The type of people you need to hang with are the type of people you want to become. Read a pretty good study in the last year that showed that we tend to emulate the 5 friends we spend the most time with - in body weight, motivation, values, etc. Make sure some of your group are guys you want to become like. Having an example of where you want to be right in front of you helps.

    I have babbled enough  . . .
  • HyperPiperHyperPiper seattlePosts: 1,643Member
    Well, she is right about one thing. It's very important for you to have guy friends and to spend time with them. This can not be understated.

    Unfortunately, I question her motives...
    I would tend to agree, but let me ask you: Do you have kids? business? property? friends?
    The only "friends" I have are occasional & regulars from my coffee shop (second office), employees & other contractors (2 to be specific, they mostly hang out with their wives)

    Her reasoning would be to through it back in my face. The only time I went out 1 year ago, on my bike, I met my friend at a restaurant drank a beer, rode together for a while & talked. On the way back my chain broke, because I didn't want to wake her up I just walked it home. Got home at 1200. 

    She'll bring that up when I'll complain about the GNO.
    Should my post make little sense, I am ADHD, please ask for clarification.
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