The Special and Sacred Bond we Share with our Wives

BrianCBrianC Oshawa, ONPosts: 2,784Senior Moderator*

I have noticed a lot of the FOs on the forum getting bummed out lately about how their husbands don't feel like they can confide, because confiding in one's wife without the proper frame is just so damaging to attraction, as we discussed in the “How much can we share with our wives?” thread. This really hit me when I saw @RedPillWifey's pained response to @mook_z's thread “need something emotional/intellectual”, and in some of the comments along that thread.

First off, I want to say that I don't believe that there are unresolvable contradictions anywhere in the Universe. If I see a conflict and cannot resolve it, it is because I have not yet thoroughly understood it. There is a way to make all human Knowledge and Wisdom fit together, if you are willing to bend your worldview, and the ideas enough.

And so I wanted to say that the feeling that sometimes pervades this forum so well captured by mook_z in these words:

This feels too shallow. I love my wife, but I need more than a house-keeper who I can fuck, but I can't get too emotional or else the alpha tanks & then I don't even have the "who I can fuck" part. Where does the balance lie between serious emotional connection & fucking partner?

Is there because we haven't dug deeply enough yet.

Our wives are still so much more to us than this, even when we can't go to them for the emotional support. You can see it if you change your perspective a bit.

  • A wife is the one woman who we can trust absolutely with our sexual well-being, they are our guides and priestesses to the most erotic parts of self.
  • A wife is the person we also trust with out health: they are the ones who will make the calls and keep us healthy, safe, and loved when our body fails and our mind falters.
  • A wife is why we get up and hunt woolly mammoth in the cold of the world every day, she is the inspiration that makes us try the terrifying, the difficult, and the difficult.
  • Our wives are the keeps our our sanctuaries, they are the people who embody the safe place we can relax and warm ourselves after our ordeals.
  • Our wives are the reason to excel: it is her, and through her, our children that give us a good reason to get up, make a mark, fight for causes, and leave a legacy: it is through a wife that most Men find the means to be more than they are.
  • Our wives are our perfect cheerleaders, they are the ones with whom we can share our victories, be cheered on for them, and get the love and affection we need to go out and fight another battle or bring down another Mammoth.
  • Our interactions and our struggle with the relationship with our wives are an echo of every man who came before us, it gives us a sense of continuity with our forefathers, it gives us context.

This is a relationship that goes way beyond a maid we can fuck or a womb to give us sons and daughters. A wife is our anchor to place, a fire to motivate us, and a keeper of the things that keep us sane.

That is a relationship that needs a special honouring, and a special way of being... it has its own adab, it's own rules and attitudes which must be observed. It is not a bad thing that we cannot share our everyday worries with out wife, except when we frame them as a victory: it is an indicator to remind us that marriage is to sacred to sully with doubt and fear and petty complaints.

On some levels this is a powerful motivator. If we want to be able to take our wives into our confidence, and have the most rewarding bond with them, we have to become the kind of men who instantly turn fear into a plan, and struggle into conquest. We have to be the Alpha men who can never say I am scared, without immediately afterwards saying “but I am doing it anyway.”

How can this possibly be the sad state of affairs it seems at first blush?

All men are great men, most fail to see the greatness in themselves.

Power, Passion, Principle and Purpose: The Wild Man Project

My most popular articles: The Art of the Apology (also on video), The Basics of Assertiveness, The Art of Friendship

mook_zDrBetaHildaCornersAWACSAngelaSmashmasterSavageScarletAlphaBelleAngelinetechnovelistClovitasPersephoneLtiger
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Comments

  • SerenitySerenity Posts: 9,974Senior Moderator**
    You warm my heart. :x
    "We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."


    Website   http://lowtwife.com/

    AlphaBelle
  • BrianCBrianC Oshawa, ONPosts: 2,784Senior Moderator*
    Serenity said:
    You warm my heart. :x
    I try. ;)

    All men are great men, most fail to see the greatness in themselves.

    Power, Passion, Principle and Purpose: The Wild Man Project

    My most popular articles: The Art of the Apology (also on video), The Basics of Assertiveness, The Art of Friendship

  • JaneJane Posts: 1,013Member
    This could seriously be a wedding sermon =)
    DrBetaWendyAngeline
  • WendyWendy Posts: 1,371Gold Women Zen Garden
    edited November 2012
    This is something to strive to....for both the husband and the wife.  I really like that you put it under spirituality.... 
  • ChimpyChimpy Posts: 2,591Member
    BrianC  You can see it if you change your perspective a bit.
    • A wife is the one woman who we can trust absolutely with our sexual well-being, they are our guides and priestesses to the most erotic parts of self.
    • A wife is the person we also trust with out health: they are the ones who will make the calls and keep us healthy, safe, and loved when our body fails and our mind falters.
    • A wife is why we get up and hunt woolly mammoth in the cold of the world every day, she is the inspiration that makes us try the terrifying, the difficult, and the difficult.
    • Our wives are the keeps our our sanctuaries, they are the people who embody the safe place we can relax and warm ourselves after our ordeals.
    • Our wives are the reason to excel: it is her, and through her, our children that give us a good reason to get up, make a mark, fight for causes, and leave a legacy: it is through a wife that most Men find the means to be more than they are.
    • Our wives are our perfect cheerleaders, they are the ones with whom we can share our victories, be cheered on for them, and get the love and affection we need to go out and fight another battle or bring down another Mammoth.
    • Our interactions and our struggle with the relationship with our wives are an echo of every man who came before us, it gives us a sense of continuity with our forefathers, it gives us context.


    I think its because theres quite a lot of women what don't want to be any of them things for their husbands. Not guides healers cheerleaders reasons to excel or any of that. 

    And that whats drummed in our heads here day in day out is that a REAL ALPHA man who gets laid like tile shouldnt want or need any of that shit. Nearly all of what is written above seems to go totally against the ideas of beating oneitis outcome independence and being the captain what never shows weakness or doubt. You have to prove you can get anyone to be your sexual partner. Your body may not fail and your mind may not falter. Beta weakness bad! If your wife is your inspiration you need men to inspire you. Your wife can't keep  sactuary for you. You have to do that yourself. To need her for sanctuary is weakness and you cant show that. and so on and on and on.
  • LouiseLouise EnglandPosts: 1,623Silver Member
    Chimpy said:
    BrianC  You can see it if you change your perspective a bit.
    • A wife is the one woman who we can trust absolutely with our sexual well-being, they are our guides and priestesses to the most erotic parts of self.
    • A wife is the person we also trust with out health: they are the ones who will make the calls and keep us healthy, safe, and loved when our body fails and our mind falters.
    • A wife is why we get up and hunt woolly mammoth in the cold of the world every day, she is the inspiration that makes us try the terrifying, the difficult, and the difficult.
    • Our wives are the keeps our our sanctuaries, they are the people who embody the safe place we can relax and warm ourselves after our ordeals.
    • Our wives are the reason to excel: it is her, and through her, our children that give us a good reason to get up, make a mark, fight for causes, and leave a legacy: it is through a wife that most Men find the means to be more than they are.
    • Our wives are our perfect cheerleaders, they are the ones with whom we can share our victories, be cheered on for them, and get the love and affection we need to go out and fight another battle or bring down another Mammoth.
    • Our interactions and our struggle with the relationship with our wives are an echo of every man who came before us, it gives us a sense of continuity with our forefathers, it gives us context.


    I think its because theres quite a lot of women what don't want to be any of them things for their husbands. Not guides healers cheerleaders reasons to excel or any of that. 

    And that whats drummed in our heads here day in day out is that a REAL ALPHA man who gets laid like tile shouldnt want or need any of that shit. Nearly all of what is written above seems to go totally against the ideas of beating oneitis outcome independence and being the captain what never shows weakness or doubt. You have to prove you can get anyone to be your sexual partner. Your body may not fail and your mind may not falter. Beta weakness bad! If your wife is your inspiration you need men to inspire you. Your wife can't keep  sactuary for you. You have to do that yourself. To need her for sanctuary is weakness and you cant show that. and so on and on and on.

    That's what I thought too. I thought the idea of MMSL was that the man was supposed to do everything he did for himself, not for a mere woman. And that no woman is that special, and can be replaced. If Oneitis is bad, then all those things listed above must surely be bad too, because they suggest oneitis. Quite confusing.
  • BrianCBrianC Oshawa, ONPosts: 2,784Senior Moderator*
    On the oneitis bit:  Yes a wife is a wondrous thing, and your relationship with her sacred... so long as she actually participates in it in that way.  Both parties can fail to keep their end up, and suddenly this trust is broken.  Your relationship is only sacred so long as you honour it as such.

    Any woman could still serve these roles.  Just like any woman could give you sex and children.  You could fire your wife and find another one to do the same with the appropriate respect in a heartbeat if you needed to.

    Just because it is sacred does not mean it is not disposable.  Only that more thought needs to be put into disposing of it.

    All men are great men, most fail to see the greatness in themselves.

    Power, Passion, Principle and Purpose: The Wild Man Project

    My most popular articles: The Art of the Apology (also on video), The Basics of Assertiveness, The Art of Friendship

    WendySmashmasterAngeline
  • BrianCBrianC Oshawa, ONPosts: 2,784Senior Moderator*
    Jane said:
    This could seriously be a wedding sermon =)
    Thank you @Jane, it has been a long time since I last officiated at a wedding.  I miss that role.

    All men are great men, most fail to see the greatness in themselves.

    Power, Passion, Principle and Purpose: The Wild Man Project

    My most popular articles: The Art of the Apology (also on video), The Basics of Assertiveness, The Art of Friendship

  • BrianCBrianC Oshawa, ONPosts: 2,784Senior Moderator*
    @Louise... I see where you are coming from... I guess this is a place where I depart from MMSL a little bit.  I believe Men need some kind of motivation in their life.  If they have nothing to strive for, no one to care for, and are doing things just for the sake of doing them, or simply for themselves, they operate on a much lower level than they can.  Which is why Men under 30 right now are in such dire straits.

    A Man with a mission, a passion, a cause, or a goal operates on a higher frequency.  He suddenly has something that engages his innate capacity for sacrifice in a powerful way.  He has more energy in general, a higher tolerance for frustration, and something against which to measure the importance of all the distractions of the day.

    Historically, for most Men, that passion has been their families.  They didn't need to suffer from oneitis, or be emotionally entangled for it to be so, they just needed to love their wife and children and take pride in being a husband and Father.  It helped that in most traditional cultures, the path to God is formulated a being through marriage, or through excellence that is know by the way you and your family live.  Even warrior cultures like the Norse believed that while you got into the best afterlife by being a warrior, you couldn't be a good warrior unless you had a family to feed and a woman to drape in jewels back home.

    You could still take the jewels back and give them to a worthier woman, if your son resembled the ginger-haired blacksmith who stayed home a little too closely.

    You don't need a family to hit this level of excellence, of course.  If you are a true believer in something else, a man can hit this peak, too.  Soldiers often are superhuman in their abilities because they love their culture, Preachers, because they love their god.  Artists because they are chasing a sacred muse inside their heads.  My Mission is helping other Men find their Mission.  I suspect Athol Kay's is empowering those who are wounded by their relationships to heal themselves.

    This is why so many Single Game sites (and MGTOW sites, for that matter,) encourage Men to have a Mission, and to put it above any woman... because then they do have a reason to do things for themselves, and not hang their passion and sacrifice on a woman.  Post-feminism, so many women have become so selfish, that it is hard to find one of the good ones for whom you can sacrifice.  PUAs and Galters have given up on finding one altogether, and made the liberation of Men their Mission.  Also, a Man on a Mission can be one of the most Alpha things on the planet.

    For many MAPpers, the marriage itself, or their children, are usually the power source that the guys here rely on.  And no wonder they are so depressed, when the power source is a woman who refuses to make love to him. 

    I think we need to acknowledge that this is the case, that many of these men love their wives so deeply that their marriage or their kids is their reason to excel.  They are driven to give a gift of sacrifice to their wives and children, and the love, respect, and sex they give in return gives them the power to sacrifice even more.  And understand that because of it, wives really are a lot more than Maids we can fuck, and celebrate that fact.

    Either that, or encourage the MAPpers here to find a cause higher than family to which to pledge themselves, so that they are properly armed with some other cause that they can draw strength and Alpha energy from.

    Sorry, that became a bit of a sermon... I've been writing on this topic for a long time.  I'll leave some links to my best writing on the topic here, rather than go on.

    The Wild Man Project | Distilled Manhood
    The Wild Man Project | Masculine Power
    The Wild Man Project | On the Darkness in Men
    The Wild Man Project | The Whole Man
    The Wild Man Project | Men's Search for Meaning
    The Wild Man Project | 7 Things that Might Surprise You... About You!

    All men are great men, most fail to see the greatness in themselves.

    Power, Passion, Principle and Purpose: The Wild Man Project

    My most popular articles: The Art of the Apology (also on video), The Basics of Assertiveness, The Art of Friendship

    [Deleted User]WendySmashmasterClovitas
  • pastorgeekpastorgeek Dodgeville, WI. USAPosts: 752Silver Member
    BrianC said:
    Jane said:
    This could seriously be a wedding sermon =)
    Thank you @Jane, it has been a long time since I last officiated at a wedding.  I miss that role.
    It'd need a few words changed before it could be preached around here! :-)
    BrianCMonathisisjenSmashmaster
  • BrianCBrianC Oshawa, ONPosts: 2,784Senior Moderator*
    @Wendy, I don't think we can really appreciate marriage, or our wives without giving the value some kind of spiritual dimension.

    Even if that is just as simple as believing that we cannot make it on our own and still be happy... or that heeding the drives of the body and evolution, and striving for genetic success, is a smarter move than wallowing in postmodern nihilism.

    All men are great men, most fail to see the greatness in themselves.

    Power, Passion, Principle and Purpose: The Wild Man Project

    My most popular articles: The Art of the Apology (also on video), The Basics of Assertiveness, The Art of Friendship

    Wendy
  • BrianCBrianC Oshawa, ONPosts: 2,784Senior Moderator*
    It's more like this I fear:
    Commander William T. Riker: It's been my understanding that one of the duties of the first officer of the Klingon vessel is to assassinate his captain?
    Lieutenant Worf: Yes, sir.
    Commander William T. Riker: Wouldn't that bring about chaos?
    Lieutenant Worf: Of course not. See, when and if the captain becomes weak or unable to perform, it is expected that his honorable retirement should be assisted by his First. Your second officer will assassinate you for the same reasons.
    In the 9th century in many regions of the Norse culture it was customary to give a woman a sword on her wedding day.  Preferably made with the same hammer on which they swore their wedding vows.  She was expected to use it to defend herself if her husband brutalized her when she was young. 

    When she became older, she was expected to help her husband die an honourable death by driving it into his heart so that Odin of Freij might take him to one of the Highest Halls, i.e. Valhalla.  A woman who slew her Husband and assured his honour in this manner was assured he own glorious afterlife in Frighalla.

    All men are great men, most fail to see the greatness in themselves.

    Power, Passion, Principle and Purpose: The Wild Man Project

    My most popular articles: The Art of the Apology (also on video), The Basics of Assertiveness, The Art of Friendship

    PhoenixDown[Deleted User]
  • AngelaAngela Posts: 585Silver Member
    edited November 2012
    @BrianC  Thank you for this thread. It was absolutely beautiful, and a great reminder of what I aspire to be to my husband.
    christy
  • BrianCBrianC Oshawa, ONPosts: 2,784Senior Moderator*
    @Highlander2 there is no greater danger to a Man than the possibility giving his heart to the wrong woman.  Marriage is not a great deal.  Most of the women out there aren't ready to take up the job of being the kind of wife I describe, which unfortunately means most really don't deserve the job.

    The myths that women can have it all, that they can be ecstatically happy, that they should feel loved and romanced all the time...  they've created an environment that is totally poisonous to marriage.

    I consider myself very lucky: my marriage has had problems, but my wife doesn't believe that life is all about being happy.  She understands that happiness is something you make through blood, sweat and tears.  She wants a career, and to do her fair share. She feels that as a responsible adult, she has to work on the relationship to keep it alive and happy.

    I consider her to be the sort of woman Feminism had promised, but failed to deliver.

    I have to have faith that what I write is still possible, even if we have to struggle and suffer to find it.  Perhaps I am blinding myself and making myself vulnerable.  I can accept that risk, if only because I don't care to live in a world where it is untrue. We all delude ourselves to some degree,  we make the world a brighter place to give us a reason to be in it, and a darker one to make our grief seem less painful and more normal within it as we need.

    The trick is to know when your delusion is causing you real pain, and being ready to cast it aside.

    I also believe that women are not necessary for a man's happiness.  Marriage isn't the only right way to be happy, or to find the Sacred relationships you are looking for, and that will sustain you.  We can keep our own sanctuaries, turn to agreeable women or prostitutes for help in exploring our sexuality, find purpose in religion, politics, or a personal mission, and cheerleaders in our friends and mentors.

    You sound very deeply wounded, Highlander2.  I hope you have someone who cares that is helping you work this pain out.

    All men are great men, most fail to see the greatness in themselves.

    Power, Passion, Principle and Purpose: The Wild Man Project

    My most popular articles: The Art of the Apology (also on video), The Basics of Assertiveness, The Art of Friendship

    Angeline
  • BrianCBrianC Oshawa, ONPosts: 2,784Senior Moderator*
    @Angela, you are very welcome.

    All men are great men, most fail to see the greatness in themselves.

    Power, Passion, Principle and Purpose: The Wild Man Project

    My most popular articles: The Art of the Apology (also on video), The Basics of Assertiveness, The Art of Friendship

  • longnecklongneck Posts: 315Silver Member
    We are a little to civilized right now.  Women are safe without a man to protect them.  That is not the case in other parts of the world, and is coming soon to a neighborhood near you courtesy of the impending debt collapse.

    Remove the safety net, you get fewer leaps.
    AlphaBelle
  • DancenyDanceny Ft. Collins, COPosts: 998Silver Member
    Wouldn't be surprised if the average happiness of American women went up in @longneck's scenario.
  • NeoTheLeoNeoTheLeo Posts: 758Member
    Brian C,

     Regardless of what you do you have a 50/50 shot at best and a close to 70% chance that she is going to be the one to file for divorce if it does happen.

    In my heart I wanted to believe in much of what you wrote, I don't anymore. Any woman in my life I've treated the way you suggest ended up cheating on me, but I kept it up, I kept looking.  I looked really hard for the right woman, I didn't marry until I was 33, after courting her for almost two years, checking for any potential problems I could think of.  I couldn't find any issues and I thought maybe I'd been wrong about the nature of women and relationships, she was the one and I was determined to give it my best shot.

     I devoted myself to my wife and family for 24 years, whatever my family needed, they came first. I never neglected my wife, we talked everyday and we seldom disagreed about anything, even that big issue around here...sex..was never an issue, we were at it at least 4 times a week for our entire marriage except for pregnancy and illness.
    Looking back now I think a lot of it is not so much what a man did or didn't do, but issues the wife is having about her own expectations, they never get to be as happy as they think they should be, or even if they are, wonder "Is this all there is?"

    All I know is after my wife left for an affair partner she'd met online, I looked around and realized I done very little for me. Security, me, the kids, the house I'd renovated from stem to stern, the decorating, all the bits and bobs she wanted, discarded like so much garbage for a uncertain future. Sad as it is, I realize now you cannot expect unconditional support, love and devotion from anything but a dog.



    Highlander, I agree with 100%!!!!!!!  I did the same and waited until I was 37 to marry, and thought I vetted well, yet find myself almost in the exact same spot. I guess I should be happy its only 5 yrs down the drain instead of 24 yrs. 

    I was committed 200% and now feel the whole idea or love and marriage is nothing but one big lie, I will never search for again and will advise my son to do the same one day... 

    In the words of J. Geils "Love Stinks!"   

      
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