For Women, Initiating Sex is like Beta for Men

LinanatiLinanati Posts: 1,606Member

A man fantasizes about his woman initiating sex.  He tells her it would make him feel loved and desired if she did.  She has to do it exactly the way he's pictured it in his head though.  Doing a striptease and saying, "I'm your dirty slut!  Please fuck your filthy whore!" may not count as initiation.  She may have to grab hold of his cock, put her mouth on it and moan while sucking and licking, then take his hand, lead him to the bedroom, push him down on the bed, straddle him, and lower her pussy onto his dick, all while moaning, panting, and begging for his cum. 

If any of the steps is missing, it isn't an initiation.  The steps may vary by man, but the woman should instinctively know which variation her man desires.  If she can find the right variation and do it frequently, he believes he will be the happiest man on earth.  In reality, while doing this occasionally will provide a huge boost to his ego and increase his attraction and love for her, too much has a very negative effect.  Too much female initiation makes him a lazy, uninspired lover who doesn't appreciate what she does for him.  It's like salt.  A little goes a long way, but too much ruins the dish.

Now how much of that sounds exactly like the situation when women demand more and more beta, and men give it to them?

PurpleBenPhoenixDownWendyneenromanceauthorHildaCornersshanna_bananaHappyWifeDancenyHamster_FreeMona
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Comments

  • ElaineElaine Posts: 1,580Silver Member
    Agreed. We all want what we don't have and we all *think* we know what we want...  ;)
    shanna_banana
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  • LinanatiLinanati Posts: 1,606Member

    @Josh

    It should happen more than once in your life.  Just not every week.

    JoshPurple
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  • MAPsterMAPster Posts: 611Member
    Ok, had to ponder on this one a bit. I believe you are right on. If you initiate all the time then your man will loose the feel for the chase that takes place when one is looking to get some from the wife. On the other hand, if you never initiate then his ego takes a hit.

    Women like to be subtle when initiating and it doesn't work with us. Of course over time you learn your wife to the point where you know how she "tries" to initiate but most of the times that is more of a turn off than anything. If my wife is not being flirty all day but bitchy instead and at night time she makes her move of either "waking me up" by cuddling or just lay there in bed talking forever until I make a move then it's a DLV to me.

    If instead she would wake up at 5am when I am getting ready for work and right as I step out of the shower she would suck my dick like she needs my cum to make it thru the day, then I would be impressed and my ego would be boosted.

    The key is to initiate sex when you notice that your husband won't that particular day and pick up the slack. How I see it, it should be 75-25%.

    Don't be subtle. Grab his dick and go to town like you need him in you. I don't know any guys that would stop you or be turned off at that advance.
    JoshRicoTPoke
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  • MAPsterMAPster Posts: 611Member
    In the context of a normal relationship of course. If you ask the guys that are getting no sex here what you said sounds more like fantasy than anything else. They would be extremely happy with a wife that initiates every day for a few months and then balance would have to take place.

    Josh
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  • x1134xx1134x Posts: 1,265Member

    There's two ends of the spectrum on this with different women.  What linanati described, or the other end.  "I said 'I'm going to bed', I initiated".

    Eating cake, candies or dessert everyday will get old.  But there's also a spectrum of frequency. Every day, or constantly being on one end and never in a lifetime being on the other. 

    For me a hard initiation in lingerie would have to be more than weekly to become passe.

    In my experience,  "once in a marriage" or equivalents are even more cruel than "never".

    Most women unwittingly ruin the sex as a reward by being so shitty in bed during the sex, that it becomes a form of punishment rather than a reward. - Athol Kay.
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  • longnecklongneck Posts: 381Silver Member
    edited October 2012
    The bare minimum:

    1.  State your intentions.  Verbally, or physically.  Basically anything that unequivocally means I gotta have you now.  (get naked, texts, lingerie, etc.).  DO NOT BE TIMID.

    2.  Don't think that initiation means letting him know that you are DTF and then expect him to take over.  If you start the fireworks in a non-physical way, you have to then move into the physical.

    3.  Of course he will take over.  You want that.  He wants that.  But he will do that when he is ready.  He wants you to want him too so he'll enjoy it for a bit.
    RicoHamster_Free
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  • AngelineAngeline in the yardPosts: 9,897Category Moderator**
    Linanati said:

    Now how much of that sounds exactly like the situation when women demand more and more beta, and men give it to them?

    I was just commenting on this exact thing on another thread, and it really paints my married sex life in a different light. I did what he *said* he wanted, but not what he'd actually responded to when we were still new. Very sad. I wish I'd had this info back then. He responded back then when you did "X"? Then why would you not continue to do "X"? He was a very nerdy, introverted nice guy who'd been shit on a lot in high school. So I could see why he wouldn't want to have to continue to "play games", in his words. But not doing that killed all the fun of it, killed his attraction.

    After reading so many threads here about low T, I've occasionally wondered if he was, even though we were so young and that would be pretty rare. This fits the situation much better.

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    Hamster_Free
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  • JoshJosh Posts: 291Member
    @studentofwife

    Most of us men on this board do not have a wife like you.  So when we're saying what we want please realize that we're in a much different place than your husband is.


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  • JoshJosh Posts: 291Member
    steu2817 said:
    To be clear, I think the reason men say they wished their wives initiated is because they don't feel desired by their wives. Initiation would be the ultimate show of that desire. But you don't need to give the ultimate show of desire in order to meet his need to feel desired. In fact, it all becomes a bit of a 3 bears story.

    If she:

    never teases him, or does other things to 'inspire' him to initiate - too little; man feels undesirable

    initiates sex frequently - too much; man get's complacent and bored

    never initiates, but frequently teases him - just right. Man pursues prey and pounds it into submission (and by submission, I mean the headboard). 
    This.
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  • LinanatiLinanati Posts: 1,606Member
    I don't initiate much at all now, but I do the flirty teasing A LOT.  The last time I initiated (hard initiation, not just teasing come-ons), he really enjoyed it.  So did I.
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  • BrianCBrianC Oshawa, ONPosts: 3,396Senior Moderator*
    @StudentOfWife stay in touch.  We'll all be here if you need to process.

    All men are great men, most fail to see the greatness in themselves.

    Power, Passion, Principle and Purpose: The Wild Man Project

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  • liquidliquid Brooklyn, NYPosts: 1,785Silver Member
    steu2817 said:
    To be clear, I think the reason men say they wished their wives initiated is because they don't feel desired by their wives. Initiation would be the ultimate show of that desire. But you don't need to give the ultimate show of desire in order to meet his need to feel desired. In fact, it all becomes a bit of a 3 bears story.

    If she:

    never teases him, or does other things to 'inspire' him to initiate - too little (porridge too cold); man feels undesirable

    initiates sex frequently - too much (porridge too hot); man get's complacent and bored

    never initiates, but frequently teases him - just right. Man pursues prey and pounds it into submission (and by submission, I mean the headboard). 
    OK. I needed to hear this. Thanks.
    Hamster_Free
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