How to not get mad when she says NO!

2

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  • Hamster_FreeHamster_Free presentPosts: 1,156Silver Member

    No. 

    I think *physically* stopping what she's doing, taking over and guiding her body where you want it, and going from there will work.  If she's standing, start kissing her and bodily push her where you want her.  Kiss her more, unzip, display the cock (might take some time to work up to displaying the cock as the expectation for a BJ to commence, but I think you can get there by framing yourself this way), and start groping the shit out of her---proceed as you see fit.

    You are male.  In social dancing, the male leads for a reason--it's natural.  Lead her, don't ask her.

    Karl_Hungus
  • Hamster_FreeHamster_Free presentPosts: 1,156Silver Member
    If it helps, take a few social dance lessons to get more in touch with leading with your body.  It's not all about gay ass dresses and fops in tuxedos.  It's HOT.  The difference between the teenage kid with clammy hands and shallow breath and the dude who learned to swing on his liberty at the USO is palpable.  I may be MUCH closer in age to the kid, but USO dude could get me home that night because he knows how to move a woman where he wants her.
    Karl_Hungus
  • WideAwakeWideAwake USAPosts: 120Silver Member
    Blockhead said:
    I haven't had a BJ/HJ in a year... You think stopping her in what she is doing and telling her to get on the couch and suck my dick will work???

    Not at 2-3 weeks into your MAP - she'd most likely tell you to go fuck yourself.  She's not going to get over all the beta with you suddenly acting alpha for a week or two.  It's a marathon, not a sprint.

    What are you doing on your MAP besides a 180 change to alpha?  If nothing, then it most likely will NOT be well received.

  • fredlessfredless Posts: 2,157Silver Member
    Blockhead said:

    Seriously.  I can't emphasize the not asking thing enough.  There have been sooooo many times when DH has said:

    "I could really use a blow job."

    (lying in bed stroking the wood) "wanna jump on?"

    "I'm horny as fuck."

    In almost every case (repeat these scenarios many times over the course of 5 years), my reply was 'Marketing, dear.'  Meaning, it's not what you want, but how you're asking.  Each one of these comes across as an hourly informational update on the Boner Channel.  You're horny, huh?  So you'll be taking care of that and I'll be tending to the kids myself again, huh?  Gotcha.  So you're going to be doing that while I work out the grocery list for next week, huh?  Roger that.  Lemme know when you're done so I can go to sleep/know when to expect you for regularly scheduled family activities today..

    Reframe with him steamrolling me awake with a cock of steel?  Yes Sir!  Grabbing the book/laptop/grocery list out of my hand and pressing into me with his need?  10-4.  Here on the couch?  Sure.  Across the kitchen counter?  You betcha.  Right here on the floor?  Yes, Captain!

    It's all about marketing.

    I haven't had a BJ/HJ in a year... You think stopping her in what she is doing and telling her to get on the couch and suck my dick will work???
    Can it work any less than what you've been trying?
    Karl_HungusEightbit
  • BlockheadBlockhead Posts: 163Member

    No. 

    I think *physically* stopping what she's doing, taking over and guiding her body where you want it, and going from there will work.  If she's standing, start kissing her and bodily push her where you want her.  Kiss her more, unzip, display the cock (might take some time to work up to displaying the cock as the expectation for a BJ to commence, but I think you can get there by framing yourself this way), and start groping the shit out of her---proceed as you see fit.

    You are male.  In social dancing, the male leads for a reason--it's natural.  Lead her, don't ask her.

    Here my issue though, She dosen't liked being groped, I never touch her chest, she says I am to rough or she dosent like it (shes always been like this about her boobs, I don't know if shes just self consciense because they are small), even when we have sex, she almost always has a "top" on.

    I play with her ass, but even then she never lets it far. We were folling around in our home gym and she was standing about be, and I started tugging her pants like I was pulling them down, all the playfullness left the room and she got all serious and angry... This is why I posted this, All I do is get rejected, even when I push alpha on her...

  • BlockheadBlockhead Posts: 163Member
    WideAwake said:
    Blockhead said:
    I haven't had a BJ/HJ in a year... You think stopping her in what she is doing and telling her to get on the couch and suck my dick will work???

    Not at 2-3 weeks into your MAP - she'd most likely tell you to go fuck yourself.  She's not going to get over all the beta with you suddenly acting alpha for a week or two.  It's a marathon, not a sprint.

    What are you doing on your MAP besides a 180 change to alpha?  If nothing, then it most likely will NOT be well received.

    After reading the book the only part I was lacking (IMO) was initiating sex, I was reject for what seemed like everytime I asked. I went through and evaluated all the steps, Theres no Issues there, we are the same SR, I played D1 college football/Pro practice sqad so being in shape has never or will ever be an issue on my side, She is similar, she played College softball and is still in very good shape.

    After all the reading I think her attraction to me is the issue (most likely me no initating), but I get noticed when we go out and shes always telling me "don't talk to other girls". But I simply fold up/get frustrated when I get rejected and all the rejections eventually build up into me waiting for her to initiate or a argument.

  • Joskin_NoddJoskin_Nodd AshwanPosts: 4,064Silver Member
    @Blockhead: Has the sex ever been great? Has she ever initiated? 

    I dunno. Sounds to me like she's just not that into you. Hard to fix that. 

    "There are no right biscuits." – Mandrill

    fredless
  • BlockheadBlockhead Posts: 163Member
    @Blockhead: Has the sex ever been great? Has she ever initiated? 

    I dunno. Sounds to me like she's just not that into you. Hard to fix that. 

    Sure, when we dated, after we drink... I don't know why she wouldn't be into me, she keeps bringing up she wants us to have another kid... It wouldn't make any sense if she wasn't into me to selectively seek me out for baby making...
  • fredlessfredless Posts: 2,157Silver Member
    Blockhead said:
    @Blockhead: Has the sex ever been great? Has she ever initiated? 

    I dunno. Sounds to me like she's just not that into you. Hard to fix that. 

    Sure, when we dated, after we drink... I don't know why she wouldn't be into me, she keeps bringing up she wants us to have another kid... It wouldn't make any sense if she wasn't into me to selectively seek me out for baby making...
    Then keep working your MAP like a motherfucker and keep initiating sex when you want sex.  Less talk, more action.
    Hamster_FreeKarl_Hungus
  • Joskin_NoddJoskin_Nodd AshwanPosts: 4,064Silver Member
    @Blockhead: "... I don't know why she wouldn't be into me, she keeps bringing up she wants us to have another kid... "

    Bound provider? Anchoring your beta orbit? 

    Seeking you out for baby making involves getting you naked and having you ravish her. I doubt her breasts would be off limits. 

    Seeking you out for security might involve producing an anchor baby, or another excuse to be too busy for you, or a little cockblock, or . . . or . . . or . . . 

    Actions speak louder than words. "I want to make a baby with you" that isn't said while pulling down her pants and taking your cock in her hand may not be the limbic system truth of the matter. 

    "There are no right biscuits." – Mandrill

    AWACS[Deleted User]
  • BlockheadBlockhead Posts: 163Member
     
     
    @Blockhead: "... I don't know why she wouldn't be into me, she keeps bringing up she wants us to have another kid... "

    Bound provider? Anchoring your beta orbit? 

    Seeking you out for baby making involves getting you naked and having you ravish her. I doubt her breasts would be off limits. 

    Seeking you out for security might involve producing an anchor baby, or another excuse to be too busy for you, or a little cockblock, or . . . or . . . or . . . 

    Actions speak louder than words. "I want to make a baby with you" that isn't said while pulling down her pants and taking your cock in her hand may not be the limbic system truth of the matter. 

    What do you mean by anchor baby? We already have 2. I am not sure what adding another one would really change any our day to day activities...

    Also I don't understand your last sentence..

  • Joskin_NoddJoskin_Nodd AshwanPosts: 4,064Silver Member
    @Blockhead: "What do you mean by anchor baby? We already have 2. I am not sure what adding another one would really change any our day to day activities..."

    3 are heavier than two. Each one is an increase in commitment. Just a possibility. Why are you having babies with a woman who won't take her shirt off during sex?

     "Also I don't understand your last sentence.. "

    A woman who wants to make babies with you at the most basic level should be obviously aroused for you and sexually seductive, not resistant to groping and telling you about the babies she wants. 

    Maybe she's really into you. Or maybe she's really into being a mother. 

    What do you think? If she's really that into you, then getting what you want shouldn't be that much of a problem. 


    "There are no right biscuits." – Mandrill

  • KarKar USAPosts: 710Silver Member
    edited October 2012
    Some women are more into being a mother than being a lover. If she loves motherhood, giving and nurturing her children, that doesn't mean she's hot for her husband or into being a lover and best friend to her husband. Sometimes, in fact, motherhood can zap a woman of her desire to feed her marriage because the little ones take priority in her mind, Sex? Lust? Ugh, I have a more important calling now and don't have time or desire for that stuff anymore, kwim?

    Don't know if any of this describes Blockhead's wife, just saying that seeking another child does not mean she's into her husband.

    Kar
    Hamster_Free
  • 2manypasswords2manypasswords OhioPosts: 363Silver Member

    How not to get mad when she says no?  Be more grateful for how often you're getting it.  2-3 x a week sounds pretty good considering you've been running the MAP a short time. 

    Her attitude is certainly a legit issue.  But again, you haven't been running the MAP for very long.  Patience...

     

  • BlockheadBlockhead Posts: 163Member

    How not to get mad when she says no?  Be more grateful for how often you're getting it.  2-3 x a week sounds pretty good considering you've been running the MAP a short time. 

    Her attitude is certainly a legit issue.  But again, you haven't been running the MAP for very long.  Patience...

     

    The problem is when I am getting it, its basically about the same enthuasiasm when she is mopping the floors. Not only that but its hard to enjoy sex when your partner keeps asking if you came yet or how much longer...
  • ChimpyChimpy Posts: 2,591Member
    Blockhead said:
    Not only that but its hard to enjoy sex when your partner keeps asking if you came yet or how much longer...
    Ouch. Just ouch. Sorry pal.
    Karl_Hungus
  • WideAwakeWideAwake USAPosts: 120Silver Member

    Well, you might think your SR are the same but I don't think she's seeing it that way.  You may truthfully be the same SR, but you've got deductions in her eyes for some reason.  These deductions lower your SR and the result is that she's not that into you.  That leads to the starfish sex that you are describing.

    Was the sex always "meh" or did it change?  If it changed, did it change over time or was there a specific point in time that you can identify when it did  change?

  • Hamster_FreeHamster_Free presentPosts: 1,156Silver Member

    On the not being groped thing, I get that.  Many girls are like that, especially if they've been sexually abused or especially mindfucked as a girl growing up.

    When you were dating, did you ever cop a feel?  How did she react?  Meaning, has she always been this way, or has this behavior developed since marriage?  Definitely concur that you should display alpha behaviors solidly and consistently for some length of time (a month?) before trying to alpha her over the armchair if that's not your pattern.  She's not going to buy it if you're all beta everywhere else and all alpha in--wherever it is that you're puttin the moves on.

    But how did you woo her?  Focus on that a little.  Start dating her all over again, and gear yourself up for some outcome independence.  Make her fall for you again, and if she rebuffs your advances, frustrating as it may be, try to get in the "No big.  If she doesn't dig me soon, I'll find someone who does" mindset.  Your MAP will truly be off and running once you do.

  • horsemanhorseman Posts: 1,212Member
    To Beth, Hampster free et al.
    Regardless of if we escalte slowly, alpha up and throw you down or beta whine the underlying issue is the same. at some point you unequivically say STOP! It hurts. At some point we will say fuck it and do it ourselves and stop asking you at which point we dont need you any more. So Ladies....your Hampster...Get Over It.

    Guys. Yoi WILL get rejected. Period. You will. Your approach was wrong, Venus was in transit. The altimeter setting was 234.5. Who the fuck cares. You cant CONTROL it, influence yes control no.
    So Guys..Rejection...Get Over It.

    Both sides...you either want a marriage or you dont. Pick.

    And Get Over It and Do Something About It!!!
  • CrystalPalaceCrystalPalace Posts: 53Member
    actually I think jerking off after rejection seems like a clear indication of "I told you I needed sex, you decided not to participate"

    I can remember my DH doing this once or twice and now that I think of it (ie. Now that I am red pill) pretty pointedly, too.

    at that point I felt shamed for rejecting him and thinking only of myself and of course I then decided much better to jump in and help.

    I am pretty sure that those sorts of things made it clear to me early on in our marriage that "No" wasn't really a reasonable response.
    I've had pretty good luck with this, actually.   I have heard others say it can be passive agressive.  But I think that's about attitude.  I think saying 'cuddle up to me while we get this done' involves her.  It accentuates the point that I have a physical need that is going to get addressed.  And god knows it's not too much to ask for her to just cuddle up to me for a few minutes. In my case it often results in her getting hot and both of us taking care of ourselves--but doing so together.    I think if she flat refused that there's much deeper issues.
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