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FO's: What I Wish My Husband Knew About What I Want in the Bedroom

SerenitySerenity Posts: 10,407Senior Moderator**
edited July 2013 in 3. Displaying High Value - Women

Okay, following in the footsteps of @steu2817 and @liquid... ; They posted threads about Alpha behavior in the bedroom and how it affects women.  I'll post a few comments from them below. 

A lot of Captains still struggle with the concept of being Alpha in the bedroom and say things like, "I just enjoy your pleasure. I love pleasing you."  Which is very sweet and wonderful, but.....  It can leave a woman not feeling desired by him, as if he is just doing her a favor and doesn't need sex nearly as much as she does.

So, what do you wish your husband knew?  Be as detailed as you're comfortable with.

"We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."


Website   http://lowtwife.com/

shanna_banana
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Comments

  • SerenitySerenity Posts: 10,407Senior Moderator**
    webmistress32webmistress32 Member
    Posts: 197
    @MCM: "Instead of being "respectful" I'm just doing what I want to do, fucking her the way I've always wanted to fuck her, moving her around a lot, being in control, and her response has been positive."

    Mine response would be positive, too. My DH is still far, far too concerned and involved in making sure I have an orgasm. That pretty much guarantees I won't have one. If I could just get him to understand ... just do what you want! that's what will get me going. I feel too put on the spot otherwise.

    You are all onto something here.
    "We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."


    Website   http://lowtwife.com/

    Angeline
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  • SerenitySerenity Posts: 10,407Senior Moderator**
     
    liquidliquid Member
    in First Officer's Club
    I another thread @Webmistress32 said: 

    "My DH is still far, far too concerned and involved in making sure I have an orgasm. That pretty much guarantees I won't have one. If I could just get him to understand ... just do what you want! that's what will get me going. I feel too put on the spot otherwise."

    This is true. But at the same time...I can't just get there if he makes no effort at all. I am having a bad time right now and it has been over a week for me and I am so frustrated!

    2 Saturdays ago - great time for both of us. Last Monday am - he woke me up for sex plus to tell me that he had taken the day off from work and was taking me out for breakfast and to spend some time at the park - sweet! It was short, all about him and pretty awesome. Put me in a good mood, even though I did not "Get mine".

    Wed night - we flirted all day but stuff (4 kids!) got in the way and by the time we got to bed he was too pooped. Bummer. Thursday night - he tried to make it up to me...pressure, pressure, got close, distracted by our oldest two being so loud it seemed they were right outside our door, couldn't get the feeling back, told him to finish without me, he didn't because he felt guilty, then I felt guilty, kept trying, gave up, we both went to sleep miserable.

    Saturday night I tried to explain that I just wanted him to have a good time, no pressure for me...and he misunderstood me, thought that I didn't want any attention, he had a great time, I cried afterwards.

    Tuesday am (he took the day off to get some stuff he needed done) we tried again...I got close but now the pressure was even worse and I told him that I was done trying, maybe next time for me. This time I started to cry during...don't think he noticed (he was really into it and he couldn't see my face at that moment) but I felt errible.

    I need to find that sweet spot - no emotional pressure but enough physical pressure, if ykwim? But he is all or nothing - either it is about him or about me.

    Any thoughts?

     
    "We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."


    Website   http://lowtwife.com/

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  • myrtlemyrtle Posts: 207Member
    I'm not really interested in being dominated. Sometimes I wonder about the mental health of chicks who seem a little too into that, but it's not really my bidniss either. "Put down the "Fifty Shades of Semiliterate Schlock and get a life!" I think to myself.

    However, I want a relative hottie and I want him to want ME, not just be sticking it in somewhere moist for the ol marital weekly pressure relief. Passionate sex doesn't have to be a borderline rape-fantasy thing, you know? 

    and for pity's sake, WASH YER BALLS. I am so over getting a noseful of smelly ballsack. Like, forever. I am not putting up with it no mo'

    as for women not having orgasms: why do you bother having sex? Charity? duty? ugh. Tell him to go down on you. To me that's the one of two surefire ways. the other is frottage.

    Better than valium, honestly. zzzzzz
    CL_
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  • myrtlemyrtle Posts: 207Member
    Yup, clit on penis. I am on top so I can control the amount of friction/lubrication. It's super-fast and ridiculously effective. Intercourse is great, but I usually only have orgasms from it if I've had a clitoral one first, and am very turned on to boot. So it's not really my bread and butter. 

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  • MariaMaria EuropePosts: 4,774Category Moderator**
    Morning sex.  Since we discovered MMSL, my Red Pilled husband is not nudging me softly anymore, not asking in a hushed voice whether I'm awake or in the mood - he just goes for it. Now he's not worried anymore about being impolite; finally he believes what I've been telling him for some time.. Yeah! .

    Serenity, just keep telling your husband what you want! I'm sure he needs time to get adjusted to such heretical a concept. It's really hard for our husbands to unlearn what the've been fed for years and years - especially if they love us and want to be the best possible partners.

    My husband chimes in: Giving me an orgasm is not only about "pleasing me",  for him it's a lot more: In a way  he's exerting some kind of power over me  and that's ultimately exciting for him in reverse.

    Liquid, would it work for you if your husband gave you an massage after he's had his orgasm? This way there would be less expectations and pressure. If things get more heated for you  - perfect! If not, then you've had a cuddly, relaxing treatment and his attention.  (Husband remarks: Better before he's had his orgasm in case he's one of those men who drop unconscious afterwards...)

    _____________________________________________________________________________
    If you want us to be unapologetically feminine, be unapologetically masculine.
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  • NeoTheLeoNeoTheLeo Posts: 797Member
    myrtle said:
    I'm not really interested in being dominated. Sometimes I wonder about the mental health of chicks who seem a little too into that, but it's not really my bidniss either. "Put down the "Fifty Shades of Semiliterate Schlock and get a life!" I think to myself.

    However, I want a relative hottie and I want him to want ME, not just be sticking it in somewhere moist for the ol marital weekly pressure relief. Passionate sex doesn't have to be a borderline rape-fantasy thing, you know? 

    and for pity's sake, WASH YER BALLS. I am so over getting a noseful of smelly ballsack. Like, forever. I am not putting up with it no mo'

    as for women not having orgasms: why do you bother having sex? Charity? duty? ugh. Tell him to go down on you. To me that's the one of two surefire ways. the other is frottage.

    Better than valium, honestly. zzzzzz


    You sound like fun.... lol
    Angelinemissymomof3
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  • NeoTheLeoNeoTheLeo Posts: 797Member
    webmistress32 said:
    grab me, tear my clothes off, throw me down on the bed. start by licking me because you just can't help yourself I am so delectable. but please do not give a moment's consideration about how I feel about it. you have to lick me because you want to taste it so bad

    **** not because you want me to come!!!! ****

    I guarantee this alone will result in at least 3 good orgasms. right there.

    if the rest of the session follows along in a similar vein with my partner bringing in excellent clit and G-spot manipulation skills and a knowledge of what us ladies secretly like about "back door" action but doing it all because He Can't Help Himself

    **** not because you want me to come!!!! ****

    I will have 8-10 more. Really.

    Finish up with some hard core old fashioned banging. Several position changes which he initiates and orchestrates. Some moaning and groaning and dirty talking on his part about how great his cock feels might induce another 1 or 2. Really. Come hard and we will probably have simultaneous final finishes.


    Now that's more like it, no doubt 
    thisisjen
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  • sashasasha Posts: 1,045Silver Member
    @steu2817 
    How is learning how to please your wife sexually and applying those learned techniques during a take down Alpha version of sex, Beta?


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  • DidoDido EnglandPosts: 852Silver Member
    @sasha: your first 3 turn offs are exactly what I would have said. It's hard to tell him because it sounds like a criticism. He is getting much bolder and firmer about touching me but I don't know what to do about the sound effects!

    Your turn on list is pretty spot on too.
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  • MariaMaria EuropePosts: 4,774Category Moderator**
    @ steu2817:  You're so right. Being desirable is the key.
    Girl Game is great fun! Some things I've done right instinctively, some I had learned in the last couple of years.
    There's probably also the Central European (or Austrian) angle: Charm is considered the most attractive feminine quality over here - and that includes looking as attractive as possible and being
    flirty in everyday situations to some extent.  We learn Girl Game early on.

    Still there's really a big difference between being available, being seductive and being downright turning your husband on - which I love. (Hah! That's probably the power-over-your-spouse thing with benefits for both! )

    It must be tough though when you have to be afraid of rejection or lukewarm reactions, as  Serenity pointed out. That's something I've never had to fear, so I could just seduce away and try all kinds of fun stuff.
    My husband is the higher drive one of us, but we're not far off. And since we've adopted the Kays' Going-to-bed-is-having-sex-per-default concept we are more synced.

    @Serenity: ; It seems you have to reel in your fish very carefully, applying just the right amount of haul. Would it work if you did some of the Girl Game stuff not ostensibly for him - but primarily for yourself, just to feel more desireable - and see what happens?

    What lets my husband lose control? Well, I try to sustain a sexy undertone all day long if possible to build sexual tension (and no, it's not always possible with two teenagers, a stressful job and the occasional fight between us!). That includes dress, talking, touching. After a while it becomes second nature.

    _____________________________________________________________________________
    If you want us to be unapologetically feminine, be unapologetically masculine.
    Purple
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  • jklmjklm Posts: 1,574Silver Member
    Thanks! You all have really helped me crystallize the problem. Now who has the answer? I'm ready :-)

    ---
    Big muscles and confident leadership turn the relationship. And leadership is NOT trying to figure out what she wants and doin that. -farmertan
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  • JoshJosh Posts: 291Member
    Ben said:
    steu2817 said:

    Similarly, asking him if there's anything he'd like you to do isn't the same as, for example, begging him to let him suck his cock. 
    Warning: this is only effective if he's had the rib-removal surgery or taken two or more years of yoga.
    Hahahhaha, I missed that the first time through.  Too funny!
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  • jklmjklm Posts: 1,574Silver Member
    "Similarly, asking him if there's anything he'd like you to do isn't the same as, for example, begging him to let you suck his cock."

    Ok, as it's now written ... ;-) This is completely fair. Unfortunately that kind of move feels really wrong if he's being all beta. Wrong like... a Marine general walking over to a table where a couple of pasty nerds are sitting and asking shyly if they'd mind if he sits down - there goes that reactive desire again. Chicken and egg! I guess I've done all the aforementioned, it'd be nice if he stepped up his game equivalently, which would then give me more latitude to treat him like the alpha in the room without it inspiring such a nails-on-chalkboard reaction, and so on and so forth.

    Not to mention if I suddenly did that after no change from him, he'd *really* think he must be doing something right and then where would we be??

    ---
    Big muscles and confident leadership turn the relationship. And leadership is NOT trying to figure out what she wants and doin that. -farmertan
    SerenityAngeline
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  • SerenitySerenity Posts: 10,407Senior Moderator**
    @Josh ; Read and learn, grasshopper.  Your woman will be the lucky recipient.
    Josh said:
    I almost feel creepy reading these threads when the FO are sharing lol.

    "We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."


    Website   http://lowtwife.com/

    JoshAngelineShysterBishop
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