FO's: What I Wish My Husband Knew About What I Want in the Bedroom

Duncan

To sasha, webmistress32, etc.

All I can tell you is I stumbled across this recently:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kM_SwMBYu7s&feature=related  and I don't know whether it brought to mind times girls have run that kind of thing for me or what, but after a few minutes of watching I wanted to tear the girl in the vid's clothes off and fuck her senseless.  Seriously, that shit is potent.

Dido

@Ben: oh you're going to make some girl sooo happy!

Dido

Who was it that promised the blow job and didn't collect? No one told me my OH was here!

jklm

webmistress32 said:

@RedPillNewb: "Yeah, the trouble with trying to learn from the FOs is that they are a very small and non-representative slice.  And of course many of them are suffering with husbands who bizarrely refuse to do all the things the men who come here dream about doing, which tends to make their perspective even farther from that of our wives."

that is true. but you have to have hope that there is one of us buried inside your wife. only your Alpha male (true Alpha male) will bring her out. have you started reading the Red Pill Room yet?

@JimDawg, I think the preferences for dom/sub sex stuff might run a little high here, but have reason to suspect that +alpha -beta would work on a lot of women outside the bedroom. Recently I had a conversation with a classic liberal arts/feminist friend of mine, who was dating a guy she liked but had never been attracted to (thank goodness, it's over now). I carefully talked about "nice guys" and sexual chemistry. She reacted allergically to my implication that she didn't want a nice guy, but when I explained myself and got more specific, she admitted that the one and only time she ever felt magnetic attraction to him was when she tried to break up once and he basically said, "You're blaming me for the fact that your life isn't where you want it to be but you're not doing anything to fix it except complaining. Pull your sh*t together. If you try to break up with me again, I'll assume you mean it."

She did not break up with him at that point.

Angeline

JimDawg said:

I love this thread, it seems like it should be really helpful. However, I'm a little concerned that this is not a particularly representative sample of the total population of married women. It seems like the women likely to be posting here are a self selected group who are happily in red pill marriages and, as such, may be more likely to respond to aggressive alpha in the bedroom. I'm curious if some of you FOs have talked about this stuff with your non red pill girlfriends, and if so what are their thoughts on these sorts of things.

I believe that many, many women are as infected with wrong-headed thinking, after all, where do you think all that Blue Pill garbage came from? It's what they *think* they want. If they admit to wanting a he-man who tosses her down on the bed and has rough sex, with nary a candle in sight, she's betraying the Sisterhood and all the feminist teachings that we're supposed to be more enlightened now. We're supposed to rise above our animal instincts and be fully realized, actualized, paradigmized, blah blah blah. And if she gives in to her quaking heartbeat and damp panties, he won't respect her in the morning. You get the drift - we've been fed as much BS propaganda as men have. The difference I think is that a lot of men resent and quickly jump back into NOT repressing their true natures. Women either feel a sense of disgust with themselves, or are quickly slut-shamed by the sistahs. Your question about talking to other women about this - the answer is, just about as much as men describe your travails and revelations about sex. Which is, just about zero. I have one, ONE friend I can confide in about dom/sub. My best friend would probably try to kidnap me and have me deprogrammed.

We may not be representative here, because we're willing to admit we like it. But I'd wager that's about the only difference between us and the vast majority of women. Just Fuck Me didn't get bestseller stats from men buying it, I'd wager.

I also can't stress enough what an eye-opener Athol's post about responsive desire was - it was the last piece of the puzzle clicking into place for me. It explains SO much. An understanding of that, a willingness to actually work on the marriage (by making sex fun again for your husband), and a sense of adventure about it would go a long way towards uncovering any red pill under the blue pill veneer.

Danceny

@Angeline said:

Just Fuck Me didn't get bestseller stats from men buying it, I'd wager.

I bought a copy.  Yes, before MMSL.

Angeline

Danceny said:

@Angeline said:

Just Fuck Me didn't get bestseller stats from men buying it, I'd wager.

I bought a copy.  Yes, before MMSL.


LOL point taken.

Another thought on the "I wish he would just 'get it'", it feels very disrespectful to make suggestions from either side. Iff you're both virginal beginners, neither of you has any experience, and things that don't work aren't laughed off as an 'oops' but worried over and made a far bigger deal than they should be. Even if you bend over backwards to make it non-threatening and "I think it might be fun" instead of "you don't ever do --" it's such a sensitive area for both genders. I think a lot of men also believe they're supposed to just know this stuff, so it's doubly threatening if you make suggestions or ask for something. I don't think it's always a desire for magical romance-novel 'he just KNOWS me!, but an active desire to do no harm. Obviously that creates its own detritus, but I think the manosphere thinking is a little one note on this topic (shocking, I know).

sasha

RedPillNewb said:

Yeah, the trouble with trying to learn from the FOs is that they are a very small and non-representative slice.  And of course many of them are suffering with husbands who bizarrely refuse to do all the things the men who come here dream about doing, which tends to make their perspective even farther from that of our wives.

Angeline said:

JimDawg said:

I love this thread, it seems like it should be really helpful. However, I'm a little concerned that this is not a particularly representative sample of the total population of married women. It seems like the women likely to be posting here are a self selected group who are happily in red pill marriages and, as such, may be more likely to respond to aggressive alpha in the bedroom. I'm curious if some of you FOs have talked about this stuff with your non red pill girlfriends, and if so what are their thoughts on these sorts of things.

I believe that many, many women are as infected with wrong-headed thinking, after all, where do you think all that Blue Pill garbage came from? It's what they *think* they want. If they admit to wanting a he-man who tosses her down on the bed and has rough sex, with nary a candle in sight, she's betraying the Sisterhood and all the feminist teachings that we're supposed to be more enlightened now. We're supposed to rise above our animal instincts and be fully realized, actualized, paradigmized, blah blah blah. And if she gives in to her quaking heartbeat and damp panties, he won't respect her in the morning. You get the drift - we've been fed as much BS propaganda as men have. The difference I think is that a lot of men resent and quickly jump back into NOT repressing their true natures. Women either feel a sense of disgust with themselves, or are quickly slut-shamed by the sistahs. Your question about talking to other women about this - the answer is, just about as much as men describe your travails and revelations about sex. Which is, just about zero. I have one, ONE friend I can confide in about dom/sub. My best friend would probably try to kidnap me and have me deprogrammed.

We may not be representative here, because we're willing to admit we like it. But I'd wager that's about the only difference between us and the vast majority of women. Just Fuck Me didn't get bestseller stats from men buying it, I'd wager.

I also can't stress enough what an eye-opener Athol's post about responsive desire was - it was the last piece of the puzzle clicking into place for me. It explains SO much. An understanding of that, a willingness to actually work on the marriage (by making sex fun again for your husband), and a sense of adventure about it would go a long way towards uncovering any red pill under the blue pill veneer.

5 years ago, if my husband came to me with a MAP, I'ld have told him to go F himself. Hell, if it was him that brought this up now I probably would have had the same reaction. But it was me that found the blog and started reading. I know, its extremely juvenile. If it was his discovery and not mine, he'ld have to tell me what the sudden change was really about. I'm pretty sure my insecurities and selfish pride would be convinced he was cheating and I'ld be packing my bags in seconds, thinking, "oh no he didn't".

I'm keeping in mind... I'm running my FAP. I have yet to see his MAP. I'm pretty sure when Mr Alpha shows up I'm going to react similarly to @Serenity. Its one thing to dream about Mr. Alpha, it another to see him face to face. Should be interesting.

Angeline

RedPillNewb said:

@Angeline, my wife and I were virginal beginners, and actually our communication has been great.  If she wants something, she asks for it.  Same for me.  It has gotten less effective over the years, as I've become less atrractive, but it really is possible, and I think our clueless beginning helped that along.  Neither one of us knew (know!) what we're doing, so it's hard to fault the other for not "just knowing" it. 

I guess my ex was a little more touchy than you. And I was so shy, and TBH, repressed (oldest girl of a *very* strict dad lol), it took us a few years to get there. We did discover that rough sex was FUN totally by accident - his parents were watching the kids, and were due over any minute, so he tossed me on the bed and went at it. I'm sure it was written all over our faces! By 10 years married, we pretty much had regular, fun sex down. I was always afraid to bring up that one wild day though. He seemed a little shocked by my reaction, and I read too much into it. Knowing what I learned much later, he was shocked (blue pill isn't true - does not compute) but it was delighted shocked. Sigh. LOL if I knew then what I know now. Youth is wasted on the young, etc.

MAPster

sasha said:

RedPillNewb said:

Yeah, the trouble with trying to learn from the
FOs is that they are a very small and non-representative slice.  And of
course many of them are suffering with husbands who bizarrely refuse to
do all the things the men who come here dream about doing, which tends
to make their perspective even farther from that of our wives.

Angeline said:

JimDawg said:

I love this thread, it seems like it should be really helpful. However, I'm a little concerned that this is not a particularly representative sample of the total population of married women. It seems like the women likely to be posting here are a self selected group who are happily in red pill marriages and, as such, may be more likely to respond to aggressive alpha in the bedroom. I'm curious if some of you FOs have talked about this stuff with your non red pill girlfriends, and if so what are their thoughts on these sorts of things.

I believe that many, many women are as infected with wrong-headed thinking, after all, where do you think all that Blue Pill garbage came from? It's what they *think* they want. If they admit to wanting a he-man who tosses her down on the bed and has rough sex, with nary a candle in sight, she's betraying the Sisterhood and all the feminist teachings that we're supposed to be more enlightened now. We're supposed to rise above our animal instincts and be fully realized, actualized, paradigmized, blah blah blah. And if she gives in to her quaking heartbeat and damp panties, he won't respect her in the morning. You get the drift - we've been fed as much BS propaganda as men have. The difference I think is that a lot of men resent and quickly jump back into NOT repressing their true natures. Women either feel a sense of disgust with themselves, or are quickly slut-shamed by the sistahs. Your question about talking to other women about this - the answer is, just about as much as men describe your travails and revelations about sex. Which is, just about zero. I have one, ONE friend I can confide in about dom/sub. My best friend would probably try to kidnap me and have me deprogrammed.

We may not be representative here, because we're willing to admit we like it. But I'd wager that's about the only difference between us and the vast majority of women. Just Fuck Me didn't get bestseller stats from men buying it, I'd wager.

I also can't stress enough what an eye-opener Athol's post about responsive desire was - it was the last piece of the puzzle clicking into place for me. It explains SO much. An understanding of that, a willingness to actually work on the marriage (by making sex fun again for your husband), and a sense of adventure about it would go a long way towards uncovering any red pill under the blue pill veneer.

5 years ago, if my husband came to me with a MAP, I'ld have told him to go F himself. Hell, if it was him that brought this up now I probably would have had the same reaction. But it was me that found the blog and started reading. I know, its extremely juvenile. If it was his discovery and not mine, he'ld have to tell me what the sudden change was really about. I'm pretty sure my insecurities and selfish pride would be convinced he was cheating and I'ld be packing my bags in seconds, thinking, "oh no he didn't".

I'm keeping in mind... I'm running my FAP. I have yet to see his MAP. I'm pretty sure when Mr Alpha shows up I'm going to react similarly to @Serenity. Its one thing to dream about
Mr. Alpha, it another to see him face to face. Should be interesting.





It's definitely a turn on for women that don't know about the red pill when you are alpha. I would say most of the times my wife goes crazy when I dominate her but I hit some serious shit tests along the way. Just last night she initiated and I took over. She told me that she wishes I would let her do more.

She said she was planning on riding me but I turned her on her belly and hit her from behind. I completely dominate every sexual encounter. I have always been like that and when I hear some of you ladies saying that is what you want it keeps me on the right track.

Duncan

Thanks for posting.  This kind of info is massively helpful.

TK421

Great thread.

Okay, I know my plan for tonight and the weekend. No words, no one-liners, just moves. All moves. And by my count she should be ovulating (but I'm outcome-independent, so if it doesn't happen no big deal).

But it will happen.

Serenity

@RedPillNewb ; I think you will fall more in love with her.  I can tell my husband feels differently about me.  He feels like more of a man, and he doesn't have the anger toward me as when I was in control. I believe from things you have written that you feel less of a man when your wife tries to take charge, and at a certain level, resent her for it.  When that resentment falls away, you'll be the man you want to be and have the marriage you want to have.

RedPillNewb said:

Maybe what I'm starting to realize is that to gain the attraction I want for my husband, I am going to have to trade off some control. I think going into it, I thought I could have both.

And yes, what I'm realizing is that to gain the attraction I want from my wife, I have to fall out of love with her and disconnect from her, at least a bit.  And it HURTS to think about it.  I do wish I could have it both ways.

sasha

@Serenity He doesn't apologize in bed because I've never given him a reason to do so. I've always acted like everything is ok. That last part is changing though.

I can see how apologizing vs doing something about it (if something can be done about it) would be a turn off.

Ben

RedPillNewb said:

First off, it was a fitness test.  You wanted something and when you didn't get it, he was more attractive to you.  That's pretty much the definition of a fitness test.  It's OK, though, it worked out great for both of you.

And yes, what I'm realizing is that to gain the attraction I want from my wife, I have to fall out of love with her and disconnect from her, at least a bit.  And it HURTS to think about it.  I do wish I could have it both ways.

I think that ultimately you can have it both ways to an extent.  Once you have your boundaries firmly in place and you're both comfortable with them, she won't be challenging them all the time so you will be able to relax more than you can now.  Yes, you have to break yourself of the sort of needy, selfish, unguarded love you're used to in order to get there, but you'll be building a stronger, more purposeful and mature love to put in its place.

It may hurt to make yourself fall out of love with her in the short term, but look on the bright side: as you build your new relationship, you'll get to fall in love with her all over again.

sf64

@steu2817 ; and @RedPillNewb ;

Well, it's not easy giving up control when you've had it for 20+ years. I didn't think of it as fitness testing, but more as there was something I wanted to do in a particular moment that he wanted not  to do at that moment. The spoiled baby stuff, yeah, I guess that was testing him, although really I did feel ticked off.

I don't know, this stuff is trickier than it looks.  We did have a good talk afterwards to discuss how to negotiate pitfalls.  Maybe what I'm starting to realize is that to gain the attraction I want for my husband, I am going to have to trade off some control. I think going into it, I thought I could have both.

 

@Serenity, in a way, this is the dichotomy I was trying to address in my comments about shifting out of alpha in order to "give her what she needs to have an orgasm."

Serenity

@Purple ; Didn't you say your husband is overweight?  Do you think your feelings about giving oral sex will change when he loses weight?

Maybe if his SR rises, you'll feel differently?

Purple said:

I'm worried a bit about how I'll react when (if??) my husband ever whips out his Alpha Dick in the bedroom. I hate giving blow jobs -- when he demands one, what am I going to do? I like to think I'll just yank his pants off and happily bob my head around, but ... in reality, I'm sure I'll say, "How about we have sex instead?" Hahaha... I hope that shit test doesn't deter him.

MAPster

MAPster said:

It's definitely a turn on for women that don't know about the red pill when you are alpha. I would say most of the times my wife goes crazy when I dominate her but I hit some serious shit tests along the way. Just last night she initiated and I took over. She told me that she wishes I would let her do more. She said she was planning on riding me but I turned her on her belly and hit her from behind. I completely dominate every sexual encounter. I have always been like that and when I hear some of you ladies saying that is what you want it keeps me on the right track.

@Serenity: There have been plenty of times when she has done whatever she wanted. Usually that involves her initiating and taking charge. She will usually ride me pretty good until she wants to be in a more submissive position. I have no problems with her initiating or dominating the act sometimes. It is a turn on to see her loose control. We have not talked about her desires because she is not willing to. All I got so far is that sometimes she needs to make love and not so much the rough passionate sex I bring to the table. I guess if you have one you want the other. I have made passionate love to her without all the dirty talk, spanking, pushing her around to where I want her or spreading her legs apart and going down on her weather she feels like it or not. Those are things that turn me on like you can't believe. I on the other hand have been very specific about what I like. She has come a long way since we met. I was always the one willing to experiment and do everything and anything except a third person. She slowly got into anal for me because it was an obsession I had and she is starting to like it. She requested it last week! I don't know how to open her up more. She is more of a going with the flow and I have to keep pushing the envelope. Last night I was going hard at it and I grabbed her from behind and tried to place her on her knees so she could suck me to finish and she said "NO!" so I tried again thinking she was being hard to get but she said a very firm "No, I'm not doing that" (letting me finish in her mouth basically). So I said "Ok" and walked away. I didn't finish. I didn't show to be upset but I was. I don't know how to fix that situation. How do I explain to her that I have no inhibitions and I would like her to be the same way?

Athena

@sasha The thread Serenity was talking about:http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/discussion/546/athol-is-a-genius-low-t-work-around#latest I have it bookmarked hoping ill get the nerve to show it to him someday.

jklm

"So I said "Ok" and walked away. I didn't finish. I didn't show to be upset but I was."

@MAPster, so wait... you gave yourself blue balls because she didn't want to finish you off in a particular way (that does after all involve her mouth; yay for the BJ, but it seems fair not to *always* feel like giving one)? Why not just go back to the "going hard at it," for example? Walking away in the middle of sex sounds sort of whiny.