GF Suddenly Announced Expecting Valentine's Day Present

dewydewy Posts: 70Silver Member
edited February 7 in Singles
(I should preface this by saying that, for the overwhelming majority of the time, my MAP has been going great. Both myself and my relationship are in a much better place than we were 3 months ago when I started MAPping.)

Here's my dilemma:
Earlier today, the gf announced by text that since I am not there on V-day this year we should celebrate it this early, this weekend. And she's expecting a present. Apparently her therapist suggested that we need to be more romantic, and as we don't normally do much for valentine's, we should make a big thing of it this year.

At first the exchange started off pretty lighthearted. Gf dropped hints about silver or chocolate presents. I dropped hints about more intimate "gifts" instead. She fought a bit for the cause of materialism, and I jokingly pointed out how unmaterialistic I am (and made more sex jokes). But she kept on about presents and eventually suggested that I was making her "feel judged for suggesting we try something fun and different". (I guess I don't like being told I'm expected to by expensive presents for someone, or else...).

Now, I am not a fan of Valentine's day (in my country its not celebrated particularly, although there has been a big retail push in recent years), and I dislike how commercialized it is here in the USA. In the past we haven't really done anything, except maybe gone out for a meal around that time.

So, I now have a number of issues that I'm grappling with:
  1. What do I get her? She just texted me to say she is "buying the components of my present now". I need to do something in response, however minor, but there are two problems. (1) I have virtually no free time in the next 24hrs to get her anything, and (2) I'm annoyed how she is putting me in this situation of demanding something at the last minute.
  2. Is this sort of a fitness test? If so, is it a shit test or a loyalty test? (I think my SR is starting to pull back level with hers, and I read in a number of threads on here that Phase 2 is often marked with tests to try and judge the social).

What do you guys think? I don't want to be a asshole about this and fail a loyalty test, but neither do I want to be a pushover and fail a shit test by buying her presents whenever she demands them.

Currently I think I should do something, but it should be silly and sort of over the top in a ridiculous kind of way. I read the previous Valentines threads on the forum suggesting cards that say:

I also have some of her favourite chocolates from my country that I was going to give her anyway. However, she knows I already have them and the pessimist in me forsees her getting stroppy. If she does get upset, what's the best way to handle this?

Or am I treating this whole thing completely wrong?



  • TemplarTemplar WashingtonPosts: 3,146Silver Member
    Are you at the point where you no longer fear her being angry with you?
  • mphouseholdmphousehold londonPosts: 19Silver Member
    well, she seems entitled and materialistic. why bother celebrating valentine's day? i have never understood the need for it. 
  • dewydewy Posts: 70Silver Member
    Templar said:
    Are you at the point where you no longer fear her being angry with you?
    Fear: slightly, still (getting there, particularly as my confidence comes back).
    Prepared to deal with it: yes.
  • EightbitEightbit DruidiaPosts: 1,893Gold Men
    How is it romantic if she asks for it and he gives it to her?!
    Insert witty, insightful signature here.
  • ScarletScarlet Posts: 4,533Category Moderator**
    Eightbit said:
    How is it romantic if she asks for it and he gives it to her?!

    I don't know the entire dynamics of their relationship, but in mine, it does not lessen the joy one bit if dh buys me a present that I have specifically asked for.  

    Truly, I'm not saying she's perfect in this.  She's probably making too big of a deal, and if she has a history of throwing hissy fits about gifts and such, that's not cool.

    All I'm saying is V-Day is important to some people, and asking for chocolate and silver is hardly asking for the moon.  
    Speak your truth. 
  • Natalie_LorinNatalie_Lorin Southern USPosts: 977Silver Member
    Glad I'm not the only one not seeing the big deal here. I mean - take anniversaries. Some anniversaries are "woohoo new mattress and a fancy dinner" anniversaries. Some of them are "Hey here's a card and some slightly above average sex" anniversaries. We discuss them beforehand though so no one has unstated expectations. Sometimes it might sound like I'm asking for stuff, but I'm just as likely to be agreeing that this isn't a grand gesture sort of year.
    Grab a couple bars of decent chocolate, a bottle of wine and dinner fixings, pull up an old movie. You spent $50-$60 on a romantic Valentine's Day that most reasonable women would enjoy. Not saying that some women wouldn't rather go rock climbing or salsa dancing or whatever, but that's a recognizably romantic Valentine's Day.

    And I just re-read and saw that she's getting you a present and possibly putting a fair amount of effort to it ie not just swinging by the mall. That's hardly entitled princess behavior. Would you prefer it if she wanted something like that and felt like she couldn't tell you about it because you'd laugh at her? Wanting a "typical"Valentine's Day is perfectly natural and normal.
  • growingafamilygrowingafamily chicagoPosts: 1,110Silver Member
    Part of me says forget the gift, give her an awesome date instead. That way you get out of doing exactly what she said but replace it with something great enough that if she complains, she's being ungrateful; you aren't unthoughtful. OTOH I'm thinking of the love languages, and mine is decidedly not gifts, but it sounds like hers is. I don't personally make a big deal out of valentine's day, so that combined with my not being into gifts kinda pains me to say this, but.. maybe you just have to suck it up and do it. I don't know what to get, though, because if she's hinted, then your options are either limited to what she says (boring) or you get her something she didn't say (the wrong thing!) or the awesome third option of getting her something super thoughtful and not cliche, that only you could think of because you know her better than anyone else.
  • EightbitEightbit DruidiaPosts: 1,893Gold Men
    Lol. But it's not even typical! She wants it Saturday!!!

    And all I've heard for years is having to ask for romance is entirely unromantic. You wimmin. You befuddle me.

    Ok, in my view contrived romance of the kind the gf seems to be asking for is not romantic. Second, she sprung this on him last second. He's now got less than two days to come up with a romantic gift of something silver LOL. I can have months to plan a good gift and fail miserably. I can't fathom doing it in less than 48 hours.
    Insert witty, insightful signature here.
  • jklmjklm Posts: 1,573Silver Member
    Well... what I can say on her behalf is that she's getting you something. I also believe in not demanding gifts, but it wouldn't really be any better to come off years of not celebrating by deciding to get your SO a gift without warning, and then feeling unloved when s/he didn't think to reciprocate. No time to shop is a pain, although - maybe you could send her something via mail on V-day, which is still a week out? Sounds like a situation for thoughtful Skittles (i.e. her favorite obscure candy bar or something). If she's being a materialistic hog, that won't be good enough for her and it won't be too late to notice. If she thinks that's sweet and romantic, everyone wins. No?

    Big muscles and confident leadership turn the relationship. And leadership is NOT trying to figure out what she wants and doin that. -farmertan
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